The Tuesday Gossip Girl Reality Index

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Every Tuesday, the previous night's Gossip Girl episode is reviewed by New York Magazine and assigned scores according to its arbitrary "reality index."

Below are some of the highlights, realistic and otherwise, from the publication's meticulous, hilarious of this week's episode, "The Serena Also Rises" ...

  • Laurel: "Kirsten Dunst? So 2007. Her rehab barely made the radar.” Plus 2, because that is kind of totally true and Plus 5 for awesome bridge-burning. 
  • How come Eleanor Waldorf lets teenagers decide everything for her? Minus 6.
  • Plus 2 for Dan Humphrey, after all his chatter about getting out of his comfort zone and the bravado of punching the guy in the club, melting into a puddle of teen angst about how his dad will react the second he and Chuck end up in jail.
  • Minus 1 for Jenny wearing a string of Jell-O cubes around her neck.
    Jennifer Humphrey
  • Blair takes out her rage at being usurped by Serena on Jenny, perpetuating a centuries-old cycle of girl-on-girl bullying. Plus 8.
  • Minus 3 because why doesn’t anybody ever rat out Blair to her mom? Is she the only one who gets to call in adults in case of emergency?
  • Of course Bart hired a private investigator to follow Lily. Plus 2, and of course she didn’t end up caring once he gives her jewelry. Plus 2.
  • Dan and Chuck in jail? No way. Cops never get called to exclusive clubs, and if they did, the perpetrators would never get arrested. Minus 4.
  • It's about time the Blair vs. Serena jealousy-insecurity thing came to a head again. Plus 10 to Gossip Girl writers for putting that out there.
  • The next episode teaser shows Serena and Blair at Yale. Could they be setting the stage for Gossip Girl to spin off into a college drama? Plus 5 for dreamers who dream dreams. But minus 5 because Serena would never get into Yale.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

Chucks bear

I'm totally with yah steffff.
How can Serena be so perfecto. Sassy and Smart at the same time? SO not equal to her. I'd still bet Blair on that. I don't like this episode. Serena freaks me out.


i really hope they dont wreck the series like they did the books by getting serena into yale, because it would NEVER happen. maybe you can get into a fashion show without efort but yale is freaking hard, even those who study thier asses off get turned away. i think they're gonna wreak the series if serena gets in just coz of her stupid connections and looks. IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY FOR COLLEGE. okay, rant over. anyone agree with me?


when chcuk calls bart, it says bart bass on the phone.
why would chuck have he's dad under bart bass, i know there not close but he still calls him dad...
makes no sense...
still, i really liked tis episode, it was pretty great!


I know for a fact that Dan and Blair will get into Yale, but not Serena.


ahem! +10 for jenny wearing a super chic pink "jello cube" necklace by Tarina Tarantino!!


i agree that serena would never get into yale. i mean hello?? what an insult to yale!!!!


serena getting to wear the finale dress when theres a lot of socialites to pick from??? MINUS 10.




that wasn't an iPhone that was a new Verizon phone, All of Gossip Girl characters have a Verizon phone.


Minus 10 for Jenny having an iPhone AND for that matter, Minus 10 more for Rufus being able to afford to send *two* children to a school for which he pays "thousands and thousands" of dollars a year for. He owns an *art* gallery!!!!! No way he could afford it in real life. Plus 10 for portraying Chuck as an actual human being with feelings and stuff.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.