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House Quotes from Season One

by at . Comments

The staff at Princeton Plainsboro can be relied upon for an impressive medical diagnosis.

And a few hilarious one-liners per episode!

Vote on your favorite House quotes right now by following our link, as you also browse through a variety of utterances from the show's first season below...


House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

House: Men are pigs - you have nothing to worry about. They will pretty much have sex with anyone - young, old, heavy, thin, complete strangers, relatives.
House Photo

Dr. Cameron: His heart rate is 130 and rising like a Randy Johnson line drive.
House: 'A' for effort.

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day?
Dr. Wilson: You ordered it.
House: You're the responsible one.

House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

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House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.