House Quotes from Season One

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The staff at Princeton Plainsboro can be relied upon for an impressive medical diagnosis.

And a few hilarious one-liners per episode!

Vote on your favorite House quotes right now by following our link, as you also browse through a variety of utterances from the show's first season below...


House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

House: Men are pigs - you have nothing to worry about. They will pretty much have sex with anyone - young, old, heavy, thin, complete strangers, relatives.
House Photo

Dr. Cameron: His heart rate is 130 and rising like a Randy Johnson line drive.
House: 'A' for effort.

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day?
Dr. Wilson: You ordered it.
House: You're the responsible one.

House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

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House Quotes

I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always gonna be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always gonna be... the most incredible man I have ever known. So unless you're breaking up with me, I'm going home now.

Dr. Cuddy

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House