House Quotes from Season One

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The staff at Princeton Plainsboro can be relied upon for an impressive medical diagnosis.

And a few hilarious one-liners per episode!

Vote on your favorite House quotes right now by following our link, as you also browse through a variety of utterances from the show's first season below...


House: The truth of the human condition is that everyone lies. The only variable is about what.

Stacy: God, you're an idiot.
House: I think I'm more of a jerk.

House: Men are pigs - you have nothing to worry about. They will pretty much have sex with anyone - young, old, heavy, thin, complete strangers, relatives.
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Dr. Cameron: His heart rate is 130 and rising like a Randy Johnson line drive.
House: 'A' for effort.

House: You check her E.K.G. results before she left the other day?
Dr. Wilson: You ordered it.
House: You're the responsible one.

House: Love the outfit. It says "I'm a professional, but I'm still a woman." Actually, it sort of yells the second part.
Dr. Cuddy: Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.

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House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

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