Last night Two and a Half Men had its seventh season premiere, and some how Charlie Sheen and Emmy-award winning Jon Cryer (sorry NPH, we had to throw that in) continue to not disappoint.

The show, in its typical fashion, was all about both Charlie's bowel movements and his relationship at the same time.  Of course, when Charlie has relationship issues that means the amazing Jane Lynch takes a break from stealing scenes in Glee to guest star as Charlie's amazing therapist, Dr. Freeman.

In addition to Jane Lynch reprising her role, fans were treated to a rather humorous, albeit pointless cameo by Eddie Van Halen, the return of the incredibly hot Emmanuelle Vaugier, and MadTV's Will Sasso.  Not bad.

Find out what all these guest stars did in our "818-jklpuzo" recap.  Now for some of the hilarious Two and a Half Men quotes from the episode.

Berta: That's a pretty mouth, but it's not made for singing
Jake: What's it made for?
Alan: Eating
Jake: I thought she meant oral sex | permalink

Alan: Hey, how's the intensines?
Charlie: Clean as a whistle... it's the city's problem now | permalink

Dr. Freeman: How's work?
Charlie: It's been pretty slow. Thankfully the house is paid off, the pension is funded, and I've give up prostitutes. Really all I need is drinking money... what's that, a couple grand a month?
Dr. Freeman: Sounds about right
| permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.