Tuesday Gossip Girl Reality Index Time!

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Below are excerpts from New York Magazine's patented reality index of the previous night's episode Gossip Girl, a weekly dissection that's never to be missed.

We've posted our official episode recap of "Enough About Eve." Now, some highlights from NY Magazine's analysis, at once insightful, arbitrary and hilarious:

  • The asymmetrical dress in which Serena is roaming around the city is both hot and totally absurd. Plus 1.
  • Why does Gossip Girl still call Dan Lonely Boy? Minus 1. Look at him in that last scene, surrounded by friends and family, like it's the Olive Garden.
  • P.J. Buckley is spot-on, from his popped collar to the fratty guys hanging around to the d!ck look he gives the photo of Trip, to the fact that he seems more upset about his sister gaining 30 pounds than being brokenhearted. Plus 2.
  • And wait: Why does Vanessa's mom have a cell phone and voice mail? Cell phones are just noise pollution, and they also emit radiation! Minus 7.
  • Olivia calls Malibu "the 'Bu." Amazing, even in jest. Plus 1.
Back in the Game

  • Chuck would have thought twice about the whole boy-flirtation scenario, if not for his own hang-ups, in order to stave off Blair's worries. Minus 3.
  • Vanessa's father "had to finish installing the solar panels at the chicken coop at the co-op," and is "organizing the union for local 72, the cheesemakers union." Plus 7 for the amount of ridiculous neo-hippie color in one sentence.
  • Why is Nate trying to save Carter? Can he pull this poker thing off? How is Nate even there if Bree's family hates him? Some of these questions were answered when Nate's plot was revealed, but Minus 6, because not enough.
  • When she's being herself, Olivia favors shapeless, unflattering prairie dresses over skintight Hervé Léger ensembles. Plus 2, that is so NYU starlet.
  • Serena calls 411 to find P.J. Buckley? And it worked?? No. Minus 3.
  • Blair: "Napoleon's always good for a few zingers." Plus 1.

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Plus 2 for Nate actually succeeding in fooling someone. Oh, wait he fooled SERENA! Only plus 1, it was too easy. Minus 500 for Chuck looking sad through the window with his Scotch. He had NO RIGHT to break my heart the way he did. Plus 30 for all the Blair/Vanessa exchanges.

Katie b

I miss Carter already.


The asymmetrical dress in which Serena is roaming around the city is both hot and totally absurd. Plus 1. This is the same dress that Quinn wore on One Tree Hill, last week.


I don't agree with the minus 1 for Dan's nickname, I mean is a nickname, you get stuck with it even if the situations change, he may not be Lonely Boy anymore but its his nickname it GG world, he is probably going to be stuck with it no matter what, if not how else is she going to call him or how are we going to know who is she talking about?


OMG @futuremrschuckbass i so agree! & @pychoticsparks "the bu" made me laugh forever!


plus 10 for olivia's dumb blonde act. minus 10 for how bitchy vanessa was and HOW SHE GOT AWAY WITH IT while blair who did nothing out of the ordinary, and has to beg forgiveness from the man who loves her no matter what she does.


Lily giving relationship advice...lol. Olivia's Hollywood bitch act was fabulous "The Bu"...I died. lol


- 15 for Dan not mentioning his mother (Instead of Lily) as one of
his parents.


I also thought it was hilarious how now Lily is gonna try and give relationship advice. Pa-leaze! lol


So let me get this straight, so Dan and Chuck are sort of brothers now. Uh.........upper east side huh?


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.