Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Two and a Half Men Recap: "Mmm, fish. Yum."

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Last night, the Emmy-award winning king of awkward, Alan Harper snuck over to his ex-wife's house to take care of her new baby, which he still believes to be his.  While there, his ex-mother-in-law, Lenore (Annie Potts) attempted to seduce him, of course!

Alan and Lenore

Meanwhile, Jake was busy at home harassing Charlie to let him use his new learner's permit and drive his very expensive Mercedes.  While initially Charlie said no, Jake got his way when he captured evidence of Charlie running over Chelsea's cat.

Find out what both of our favorite Harper boys did to get out of their situations in our "Mmm, fish. Yum." recap.

Now for some of the best Two and a Half Men quotes from the episode:

Alan [about Judith's new baby]: She has my eyes, my jawline
Charlie: You forgot poopy pants and thinning hair
Alan: Oh that was only one time and I begged you to stop at the gas station | permalink
Alan: Lenore, you think should be drinking?
Lenore: Why because I've been to Betty Ford?
Alan: No, because you got kicked out of Betty Ford | permalink
Lenore: Do you know what it's like waking up to the same stupid face for thirty nine years?
Alan: All I can tell you is what I told your daughter, "if you don't like it, roll over." | permalink

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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it