Venture Brothers

Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon Network
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Venture Brothers Season One Quotes

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The Venture Bros. debuted on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network back in 2003 with its pilot, "The Terrible Secret of Turtle Bay."  Almost a year and a half later, the show debuted with its incredible first season.

Venture Brothers Poster

When you go back and watch the first season, as we've done way too many times, it's impressive just how much of the Venture universe the creators had already penned out and alluded to that early.

The first season was also responsible for some of the funniest moments in the series history.  We've compiled the ultimate collection of Venture Brothers quotes from the first season.

Here's a highlight of some of our favorites:

Mexican University Administrator: ...your check, Dr. Venture. Muchas gracias.
Dr. Venture: Super good! Very generous of y-oh, pesos. Great. These zeros are all meaningless | permalink
Summers: True, I was barely alive after my test ship broke up. But the Army saved me. It spent $6 million dollars to give me all-new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster then I was. And you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you know how long $6 million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary?!? | permalink
The Monarch: Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years! | permalink
Dean: But Pop...
Hank: What are you, on the rag?
Dr. Venture: It's impossible for me to be on the rag, I'm . . . I can't believe I'm even arguing with you about this. What men's room did you pick up that kind of trash talk up in? | permalink
Dr. Orpheus: I am known to men as Dr. Orpheus. And mine is to conceive and control the delicate arrangement of the cosmos!
Dr. Venture: They give out PhD.'s for that?
Dr. Orpheus: Junior college upstate, communications major and minor in women's studies | permalink
Dr. Venture: Dean what the hell are you doing in there? I need to take a shower!
Dean: I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!
Dr. Venture: Never mind, Dean! | permalink
Dr. Orpheus: Do you have a pen, Hank?
Hank: To use as a magic wand?
Dr. Orpheus: To use..as a pen, Hank | permalink
O.S.I. Instructor: Well, let's see here, Mr. Samson. On the driving portion, you totalled every car but the one you were driving; on the pistol range, you refused to use a gun. And, uh, oh. Hah! Yeah, here's my favorite: on the written, you drew a little guy with wings from the Led Zeppelin records.
Brock: Icarus. So uh... what are you trying to tell me here, little man? That you don't like Zep? | permalink
Dr. Venture: My good looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night | permalink
Henchman 24: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
Henchman 21: Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Henchman 24: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs.
Henchman 21: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a f**king beard! They're mammals | permalink
Hank: Hey, I had to sleep in my clothes. Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row!
Monarch: You're kidding me, right? That's the only outfit I've never seen you in!
Hank: Well that doesn't mean I never wash it.
Monarch: Fair enough | permalink
Monarch: I'm not going to flush. Let them see the wrath of the Monarch! | permalink
Dr. Orpheus: Hug me!
Monarch: Fine. Whatever gets you off, man. Just don't go for the reach-around, because the Monarch doesn't swing that way. | permalink

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Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers