Family Guy Quotes: "Quagmire's Baby"

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Last night on Family Guy, Quagmire discovered that all his sexual exploits finally had repercussions when he learns he has a baby girl that gets dropped off on his doorstep during "Quagmire's Baby."  We're actually quite shocked Family Guy never went with this plotline before.

Quagmire actually steps it up and names the girl Ana Lee and attempts to raise her on his own, until she gets in the way of him getting laid.  That's when he puts the girl up for adoption.

Glen Quagmire and Baby

Meanwhile Stewie created clones for Brian and himself.  All in all it was a mediocre episode that had some decent Family Guy quotes.  Here's some of our favorites:

Stewie: Hey will you take me down to Baby Gap? I want to dress like a small douche. | permalink
Stewie: It's healthier than what they ate in the fifties...
Customer: Steak and donut sandwich please.
Waiter: You want cigarettes on that sandwich.
Customer: What do I look like a Mary? Of course I want cigarattes. | permalink
Quagmire [reading note]: Glen, this is your child, next time wear a condom jerk. Oh my god!
Peter: Wait, hang on, there's no guarantee it's your baby.
Baby: Gigitty.
Quagmire: Ooh, I say that. | permalink
Quagmire: How long you been in beauty school?
Candy: Two months.
Quagmire: Well tonight, we're doing facials! | permalink
Brian [about puddle of clone]: I'm not proud of this, but i'm gonna have to lick that up. | permalink
Joe: We shouldn't let this ruin our night, let's just enjoy the strippers.
Peter: I guess, I just hate how much that one gets into her work.
Stripper: You boys have been very naughty. I'm gonna have to assign you extra homework.
Peter: Fractions are so hard, what'd you get for number four?
Joe: She says don't share answers! | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.

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Family Guy Quotes

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)