Grey's Anatomy Question: Is the Post-it Wedding Legal?

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Many Grey’s Anatomy fans remain confused about Meredith and Derek, and the legitimacy of their post-it wedding. They certainly act like, and are referenced as, husband and wife.

Are they really married, though?

Fancast's spoiler Q&A says that if you doubted the legal legitimacy of Mer and Der's nuptials, your instincts were spot on, as the two were never and are not legally married.

Aformal wedding between the two is likely never to be seen. “I get why the fans want it; I’d probably want it too if I was just watching,” show boss Shonda Rhimes told EW.

“But I literally feel sick every time I think about Meredith in a big white poufy dress.”

That we understand, her opposition to the wedding commercialization, and the white dress as the end-all, be-all of female existence. But should they make it legal at least?

Der and Mer Love

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


@smileyglen Another thing, No Thatcher doesn't deserve a piece of Meredith's liver. Lexie said it and Thatcher knows it. But Meredith gave a piece of her liver, because of Lexie, because she care about Lexie's well being and because she generous, not because Thatcher deserve it. Meredith giving a piece of Liver was about Lexie and Meredith, not about Thatcher and Meredith.


Meredith might've given Thatcher a piece of her liver, but she didn't do it so she could have father, she did it so could Lexie keep her father. Meredith said it that Thatcher mean nothing to her, he was just the guy who poured her cereal. He was at the Christmas's dinner because Lexie invited him. Yes Meredith left the door open, but Thatcher hasn't apologize to her for abandoning her, and the apology he gave in season 5 doesn't count because that apology was about the wrong things he did while he was drunk, not about the things he did while he was sober, and he abandoned Meredith while he was sober. So until Thatcher give Meredith a heartfelt apology he doesn't get to walk her down the aisle or be her father. Thatcher could be at Mer's suppose wedding which will never happen as Lexie's guest but not as Meredith's father. @MerDer4ever
I totally agree with you. It so easy to say that Ellis didn't let Thatcher see Meredith so that why he walked away and started a new family that didn't include Meredith, but there is something call the court of law, where Thatcher could've fought Ellis for partial custody and that court would've forced Ellis to let Thatcher see Meredith. Thatcher had a lot of ammunition to take Meredith, but he didn't because he is wimp and scare of Ellis. I mean WTF was Ellis going to do to Thatcher, stabbed him to death with a scalped, she didn't ever wanted Meredith.


a big white poufy dress is not the only possibility for a wedding, shonda can thinks an alternative solution.......!!!


Ok so to my original question: Would you like to see Meredith and Derek bring children into the world as Defacto's instead of legally married with the piece of paper. The baby would be born Grey not Shepherd because Meredith is still Meredith Grey not Meredith Grey Shepherd. So for any future kids Meredith can be Dr Meredith Grey but for any future kids she would have to be Mrs Meredith Shepherd, she can be both. And if Thatcher doesn't deserve to be at Meredith's wedding, he shouldn't deserve to live with a piece of her liver, Meredith saved her father, she wants to get to know her father and having him at her wedding, even as a guest is a step in that direction, Shonda Rhimes has said Meredith will never be dark and twisty again, which is good, that means Meredith is growing up.


No way in hell! I doubt Mer would even invite him for her wedding, and ask him to give her away would be, HELL FREAKING NO. He doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deseve anything else from her. So what if Ellis wouldn't let him see Mer? She was her mother, he was her father, he could fight for his daughter, he didn't because he was a coward and it was more simple for him to find a woman and start another life than fight for his own five year old child. I have no respect for him. Richard deserve it more than he does. But if Mer would be in this situation she will definetly ask Cristina.. her person.. her bestfriend.. her REAL sister.. her family. The one that was there for her through everything!!


Nah Mer would want her "person" Cristina to give her away (if anyone at all - who says there needs to be a "giving away"). Any Merder wedding would quite conceivably be non-traditional.


@ana114 We'll have to agree to disagree, as you put it Thatcher didn't raise Meredith, you forget he wanted to be in Meredith's life, Ellis wouldn't let him, and by your argument, I shouldn't have let my father give me away at my wedding, I was like Meredith except my father had the affair not my mother and I grew up without my father in my life for 11 years, I had my dad give me away at my wedding, my mum knew I had doubts about it, she said I had the choice and I could of had one of my brother's do the honours. Meredith is ready to have a relationship with Thatcher, she gave him part of her liver, he was at her house for Christmas, he is the only parent she has left grown or not, she would want Thatcher there, at her wedding.


Mer isn't a poofy wedding dress type, but I have this feeling Lexie will be. I can't see SR taking any notice of any of notice of us GA fans in wanting MerDer going to city hall to get a legal piece of paper. MerDer have repeatedly refered to themselves as husband and wife, a married couple. Everyone they work with regards them as married. So the only people that would really question the post it would be Der's family. Will Der's mom be happy about the post it? SR seems to be contemplating the Mrs Shepherd visiting Der in S7. So it'll be interesting to see if the post it gets a mention!


@smileyglen. Sorry but I don't want to see Thatcher anywhere near Meredith's wedding, he doesn't deserve to give Meredith away in marriage. If someone deserve to give Meredith away in marriage, as horrible as she was it would be Ellis, but since Ellis is dead, then I would give it to Cristina, because not even Richard deserve to give Meredith away. Thatcher and Richard didn't raise Meredith, they just walked away and didn't think about Meredith growing up with Ellis.


I have a question for all of you who are debating here. Derek and Meredith are in fact defacto's. Partners, defacto husband and wife. Question: Do you want Meredith and Derek giving birth to bastard children?
Times might have changed but I don't think a television show like Grey's Anatomy should help promote children being born out of wedlock, I know it's not frowned upon like it use to be, I do think Derek and Meredith were brought up with good morals and they would want to be married when they bring children into the world. Be it is television and not real so what is the big deal, young people watch this show what kind of example would Derek and Meredith be if they condone such a thing. So I'm all for them getting married, do it in the OR, hospital chapel, on Derek's property, at Meredith's house, at City Hall, or the Emerald Bar where they first met, they don't need fancy clothes, that's just trimmings, Meredith should wear what she is comfortable wearing, I would love to see Thatcher giving his daughter's hand in marriage to Derek, that would be so moving seeing Meredith and Thatcher getting closer as father and daughter, have Lexie as a bridesmaid and Cristina her Maid of Honour. I put a challenge out there do a search put "unusual weddings" in the search path and see the results, it must be us Australians, we like unusual weddings. Like bikers getting married in their leathers, the bride also in leather, you can even get married underwater in scuba gear and write "I do" on a blackboard slate. There is no written law that says you have to get married in a church unless it is part of your heritage, or belief system. Derek believes in legal marriage he was married to Addison for 11 years, and after losing her baby and seeing Derek get shot in front of her and the shock in the operating room when she thought Derek was dead, and her miscarriage, I would think Meredith would want to make there union legal, she begged Derek not to die that she chose him, she is ready to be Derek's wife for real. They can keep their post-it vows, but make them in front of there friends and family make it offical. And let's see lots of McDreamy babies.


Grey's Anatomy Quotes

Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

Meredith (closing voiceover)

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.