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Gossip Girl Review: Poor Dan, Poorer Juliet and Holy Chairifornication!

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With heavy doses of hate sex, humor and twisted scheming, with a mega-teaser for next week to close it out, last night's Gossip Girl was everything we thought it could be.

Between Chuck and Blair's dueling, equally inept approaches to quitting the other to the gang confusing the heck out of the Dean (and us) to bail out S, it was GG at its best.

Counting the number of breakups may require a second hand, but that's par for the course. Juliet's plot was finally exposed (sort of), but she'll be back with reinforcements.

NJBC vs. the Outsiders? This is going to be good. Anyone taking bets?

Get That Beauty Rest

THIS NEEDS TO END: So Blair said. We couldn't disagree more.

"Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore" was proof that in the Gossip Girl universe, anything goes as long as you're invested and amused. We were definitely both throughout.

Most of the comic relief was provided by Chuck and Blair, who turned what could have been a completely lame plot line into one of the funniest ones we've seen in while.

Determined to break the cycle of hate sex, Blair wants a Bassectomy, to quit cold turkey. Chuck, meanwhile, wants Queen B to limber up for some "immersion therapy."

Pretty much every word out of either one was classic - conjuring up memories of old school, sleazy Chuck, only chasing Blair this time - as they tried to figure this out.

What made it truly great was the end, though. War games? Just friends? Hate sex? Check, check and check. Let's face it, they belong together, it's just a matter of time.

While Chair's sexual escapades took place throughout the episode, the main story line(s) involved Dan, Serena and Vanessa's plan to expose both Serena and later Juliet.

If you got confused reading that last sentence, that's appropriate, given how many twists this night took. But as we say, when it works, it works, and it definitely worked.

Dan decides he has feelings for Serena again (shocker there), and tells her to break up with Colin if he won't quit teaching for her. Which backfires after he does. Poor Dan.

At the same time, Nate goes to drop off Juliet's things and lied about where she lives, then enlists Vanessa to help get to the bottom of ... whatever the impostor's up to.

The secret Juliet was keeping is that she's ... poor. We still don't know why Serena is the bane of her existence, but she's merely fronting that she's an Upper East Sider.

A Nate and Juliet Pic

FAIL: Juliet was no match for our Upper East Siders. But in Round 2 ...

Naturally, this garners sympathy from Nate, who gives her another shot, but only after Vanessa somehow bribed her way in (yeah, right) to Juliet's modest apartment.

There, she found the pics of Serena and Colin, who had just convinced Juliet to let Ben serve time in jail for what he did (we still don't know), accept it and move on.

We did learn that Ben was a teacher of some kind, and that Colin thinks he deserves to be in jail. His link to Serena is still unclear, however. Boarding school, maybe?

Anyway, had Vanessa not broken in, things might have gone smoothly. But it's V. She's been beaten too many times to act rationally. You know she's gonna go rogue.

Things came to a head at the ballet they all attended, but right as Vanessa (and somehow Juliet) planned to expose Serena and Colin to the Dean, the gang intervened.

Colin announced he quit. Blair lied and said she slept with him. Chuck delivered some raspy-voiced nonsense. Blair ganked the flash drive and plopped it in champagne.

It was awesome. You could Juliet's her plan fizzled. Is this thing on?

Later, Colin skipped town to "focus on business," leaving Serena lonely and calling up Dan to "console her." But Nate ran into her first and begged for a second chance.

Which, apparently, he's going to get. Poor Dan again. Since Dena helped hook us on GG, we have a soft spot for that couple, but we enjoy Serenate as well. Tough call.

The episode concluded on a supremely awesome note when the vanquished Juliet joined forces with Vanessa and enlisted another outcast to join their crusade: Jenny.

As the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Give Juliet and Vanessa credit for this at least, they don't take defeat sitting down, and they know their limits.

To stand any chance of victory against the NJBC, they need to call in the big guns. We have no clue what they'll try to pull off, but it'll be a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

** - NJBC = Non-Judging Breakfast Club, an unofficial support group formed back in Season One by Chuck, Blair, Nate and Serena, after she revealed she killed someone.

What did you think of Monday's Gossip Girl? How much do you love Chair? Do you prefer Derena or Serenate? Do the outsiders stand a chance? Discuss!

Review

Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.9 / 5.0 (367 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Kctv

Also, I do think it's gross that Dan and Serena would think about being together besides for the fact that they're supposed to be siblings, Dan is just getting annoying. First of all he's like a lame puppy dog that always answers to Serena, and also, his scheming is totally unnecessary. As for dlovesgossipgirl 's comment, I can't tell if you're serious or not about ben, I dfinitely think there's more to it. Can you even go to jail for something like that? There's gotta be some blood on his fingers, we can tell he's violent.

Kctv

OMG. Only thing i could say throughout this entire episode. i couldn't believe vanessa, she seriously sucks. like, the worst. sure JDM we can understand she's bitter, but come on, she's ridiculous. and the three way video chat is the lamest thing I think they've done all season. The scheming was so much better when it was just between blair and enemies.... Blair has been hysterical in this last season, love her one liners! what do you guys think will happen in tomorrow's episode?

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omg dont you guys know serena slept with ben he was a teacher and she was a student thats y he went to jail.

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Just to clarify: NJBC = "Non-Judging Breakfast Club" Includes Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Serena The term was coined in last two episodes of season 1 when Georgina came to town and Serena thought she killed someone. The four friends come together to support each other in crisis. No matter how much trouble one of them is in, they will gather without judgments because none of them are perfect.

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V's a bitch she is getting on my nerves.She thinks she is better than everyone else too self righteous,thinks she is not capable of making mistakes I want her out or make her fall for someonelse ...S is a mess util now she does'nt know who she wants to be with I think because of the daddy issues but I want her w Nate.Together they make sense I would love for them to give it a shot and really try work on the relationship.Dan is too uptight and needs to loosen up,he has a lot of things to figure out I say let him be single for a while until they find someone for him.Blair and Chuck I love them I know they are the king and queen of mean but they balance each other they compliment each other.As for jenny,please she is not an innocent victim here she was all over the place she can't blame B/S/C/N with what happened in her life she did it to herself she had a choice.She chose wrong.Juliet I want her out Period!

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Ok am I the ONLY one who thinks it's GROSS for Dan and Serena to be together??!! I mean aren't they supposed to be siblings now. I loved them together in season one but now I find it gross since their parents are married and they have a mutual brother. Gross. Also I hate Serena after this episode she is playing games with Dan Nate and Colin and even made him quit his job and then she just leaves him? WTH. She's got Dan running after her like a lil puppy. And even NAte. I hope Juliet and Vanessa take her DOWN!!!

Van ayson

i labet! im Team Outsiders! gotta love the villains!

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@L, woohoo, a tv fanatic who snorts? way to act like a pig :D

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OMG, it's amazing how much the eyes can say. That look Blair and Chuck gave each other in their last scene just screamed "I want you!!!". That last scene was great, what a chemistry they got! I'm a little disapointed that things just ended with Serena and Colin. I really enjoyed seeing them together. How can they be so hot on each other and then the attraction just disappears?
But know I'm hoping for Dan and Serena. I really miss those two together! Over all it was a really great episode!! And so far season four has been great! Much better then season three!!

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*Snort* Chuck and Blair are not in love. They're perfect for the whole sex thing but they can't be together cuz they are too proud, selfish, greedy and self-destructive. They don't fit to be in love. They are the worst couple on TV.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Quotes

Chuck: This comforter blocks out so much noise they could sell it to Bose.
Blair: This has got to end.
Chuck: I thought I just did.
Blair: That was the last time.

Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like life is just passing us by. It's not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Music

  Song Artist
Blue moon Blue Moon Kendal Johansson iTunes
Song As Far As I Can See The 88 iTunes
Down by the water Down By The Water The Drums iTunes