Gossip Girl Review: Poor Dan, Poorer Juliet and Holy Chairifornication!

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With heavy doses of hate sex, humor and twisted scheming, with a mega-teaser for next week to close it out, last night's Gossip Girl was everything we thought it could be.

Between Chuck and Blair's dueling, equally inept approaches to quitting the other to the gang confusing the heck out of the Dean (and us) to bail out S, it was GG at its best.

Counting the number of breakups may require a second hand, but that's par for the course. Juliet's plot was finally exposed (sort of), but she'll be back with reinforcements.

NJBC vs. the Outsiders? This is going to be good. Anyone taking bets?

Get That Beauty Rest

THIS NEEDS TO END: So Blair said. We couldn't disagree more.

"Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore" was proof that in the Gossip Girl universe, anything goes as long as you're invested and amused. We were definitely both throughout.

Most of the comic relief was provided by Chuck and Blair, who turned what could have been a completely lame plot line into one of the funniest ones we've seen in while.

Determined to break the cycle of hate sex, Blair wants a Bassectomy, to quit cold turkey. Chuck, meanwhile, wants Queen B to limber up for some "immersion therapy."

Pretty much every word out of either one was classic - conjuring up memories of old school, sleazy Chuck, only chasing Blair this time - as they tried to figure this out.

What made it truly great was the end, though. War games? Just friends? Hate sex? Check, check and check. Let's face it, they belong together, it's just a matter of time.

While Chair's sexual escapades took place throughout the episode, the main story line(s) involved Dan, Serena and Vanessa's plan to expose both Serena and later Juliet.

If you got confused reading that last sentence, that's appropriate, given how many twists this night took. But as we say, when it works, it works, and it definitely worked.

Dan decides he has feelings for Serena again (shocker there), and tells her to break up with Colin if he won't quit teaching for her. Which backfires after he does. Poor Dan.

At the same time, Nate goes to drop off Juliet's things and lied about where she lives, then enlists Vanessa to help get to the bottom of ... whatever the impostor's up to.

The secret Juliet was keeping is that she's ... poor. We still don't know why Serena is the bane of her existence, but she's merely fronting that she's an Upper East Sider.

A Nate and Juliet Pic

FAIL: Juliet was no match for our Upper East Siders. But in Round 2 ...

Naturally, this garners sympathy from Nate, who gives her another shot, but only after Vanessa somehow bribed her way in (yeah, right) to Juliet's modest apartment.

There, she found the pics of Serena and Colin, who had just convinced Juliet to let Ben serve time in jail for what he did (we still don't know), accept it and move on.

We did learn that Ben was a teacher of some kind, and that Colin thinks he deserves to be in jail. His link to Serena is still unclear, however. Boarding school, maybe?

Anyway, had Vanessa not broken in, things might have gone smoothly. But it's V. She's been beaten too many times to act rationally. You know she's gonna go rogue.

Things came to a head at the ballet they all attended, but right as Vanessa (and somehow Juliet) planned to expose Serena and Colin to the Dean, the gang intervened.

Colin announced he quit. Blair lied and said she slept with him. Chuck delivered some raspy-voiced nonsense. Blair ganked the flash drive and plopped it in champagne.

It was awesome. You could Juliet's her plan fizzled. Is this thing on?

Later, Colin skipped town to "focus on business," leaving Serena lonely and calling up Dan to "console her." But Nate ran into her first and begged for a second chance.

Which, apparently, he's going to get. Poor Dan again. Since Dena helped hook us on GG, we have a soft spot for that couple, but we enjoy Serenate as well. Tough call.

The episode concluded on a supremely awesome note when the vanquished Juliet joined forces with Vanessa and enlisted another outcast to join their crusade: Jenny.

As the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Give Juliet and Vanessa credit for this at least, they don't take defeat sitting down, and they know their limits.

To stand any chance of victory against the NJBC, they need to call in the big guns. We have no clue what they'll try to pull off, but it'll be a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

** - NJBC = Non-Judging Breakfast Club, an unofficial support group formed back in Season One by Chuck, Blair, Nate and Serena, after she revealed she killed someone.

What did you think of Monday's Gossip Girl? How much do you love Chair? Do you prefer Derena or Serenate? Do the outsiders stand a chance? Discuss!

Review

Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.9 / 5.0 (367 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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I love how the writers ruin Vanessa character from this idealistic-filmmaker-wannabe to this annoying, full of hatred bitch. So glad not only she's the public enemy #1 here, but finally at the UES too!!

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Maybe Ben was framed for the 'murder' of Pete Fairman (the dude Serena killed in season 1). Maybz. XOXO

Kimberly-anne

The beginning was great. I mean, you can't get racier than Chuck Bass under your covers. I loved that scene. It just made my day. I kept looking at Blair's face to see when she will let it out. It was awesome. Serena, how clueless can you be??? And how big can Blair's bed possibly be for Serena not to see a second body? Hahaha. Chuck coming out from there was so hot He looked so good with his sex hair. Where has that hair been all his life? Haha. Blair was so funny. I love the bath scene. Leighton can do everything! And I love Blair's dress at the party.
This episode had so many loop holes. There were so many scenes where I was so confuse about. First off, who the hell gave Dan the right to trick Serena out of her relationship with Collin? I mena, he sat down for 15 seconds and she was immediately in doubt, and then he stands up to leave. Why even bother sitting? That scene was pointless. Then all of a sudden Dan is bitching out that Serena kissed Collin at the ball, again, why is he doing this? Is incest really that common not that he is willing to put aside. Dan Humphrey is unnecessary space in the show. He needs to go.
Second, I know Vanessa already explained it, but how did she snuck into Juliet's house again? When she said it, I wasn't listening. It sounded all like crap. The ending was the stupiest ending I have ever seen in this show. This was not an OMG moment. Jenny's appearance is a WTF. It was not good drama. I swear this show is getting too cheesy. These three together is worst than Dan and Eric last week trying to sabotage Chair.
When did Serena find out Collin and Juliet were cousins? As far as I knew, No one knew anything about these two. And if Gossip Girl can capture her leaving the subway like 3 episodes ago at night, she couldn't see her leaving Collin's house in the middle of Manhattan?
Wait, so after all of the drama, the pain and heartache and restrictions, and sneaking around, Serena and Collin are calling it off? I would find it more believeable if they had sex before breaking up. The breaking was too subtle for Serena.
And if I could choose, I rather have Dan and Serena because then that way, I can put rumors of a Dair hookup to rest. Or Nate and Serena and Dan gets killed off the show. Speaking of which, am I the only one find it outrageous that Chuck did get back at Dan for what he did last week? Dan ruiuned Blair's b-day and Chuck got blame for it for 10 seconds, that is crossing the line. I can't believe it let that go.
Chuck and Blair was the best part of this freaking episode. The only thing I hate was that there wasn't enough hate sex. I kept hearing about it, and seeing the aftermath but I didn;t see any during. What a waste. The ending was the best part. I don't know which one I like better, the edning scene of Chair or the beginning scene of Chair. But the last scene was great. AT least they are friends now. So the war is dying down. I need more Chair fluff than angst right now. Chiar forever.

Chuckbassissohot

i really liked this episdoe! i cant wait for the duel between njbc against the outsiders...
i want vanessa deadd!!!!

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awesome episode. i don't know why i didn't expect Jenny to be on the other end of the video chat i was thinking Georgina. I got to thinking while the show mentioned Ben's age and some reviews. Ben is currently 26 what happened with Serena is pre-series which makes Ben 23; so he was fresh out of teachers college. Of course the story should have Damien in it because he knew Serena while in boarding school. Hope Serena doesn't have a habit of being 'hot for teacher'.

Postergirl

seriously the best episode EVER. better than even last week man,
i cant believe i'm saying this but i actually started liking Vanessa a little...bitch is growing up! guess i have to delete that Kill Vanessa facebook group i created.
now i've got new people to hate tho. JENNY. UGHHHHHH!
i dont pity that Juliet at all. WHY DIDNT SHE LEAVE MAN?! altho i wanna know whaaat the hell happened to Ben, hows it related to Serena?! that even Colin doesnt know about it,
i wont miss Colin either...if he's not coming back.
i love it when 4 of them...chuck, blair, serena, nate come together for a awesome take-down. i LOVE ITT.
the whole thing with Serena...poor girl...guys lining up for her all the time. and in that awesome DRESS? there's no doubt. i cant decide between Nate and Dan now! i always wanted Serenate but Derena are just....like a classic couple...i've suddenly started liking Dan too...maybe cause he's gotten hottter this season (is it just me?) or maybe its got to do with my sadness over Penn and Blake breaking up
Chuck and Blairrr....no comment ;)

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Serena and Nate should definitely be together!

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GREAT EPISODE!!!! MY FAVORITE SO FAR... I felt soooo bad for Dan this episode. I love Serena but sometimes she can be a little selfish about things. When Nate came up to her she should have shot him down, she CALLED Dan!! Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck... These two are just magical!! They were very funny this episode! Of course their meant to be, I mean he was going to ask her to marry him!! Juliet, Vanessa, and Jenny against BLAIR, CHUCK, Nate and Serena?? I mean Nate and Serena would be pretty easy, they're both clueless but... Blair and Chuck?? These two feed off of things like this. How come Dan and Vanessa are never at NYU?? AND Serena still goes to Columbia!?

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Ever since Season 3, I can't stand Serena. She's now weak and indecisive, prone to attach herself to the closest eligible bachlor. At least Blair made a heroic effort to distance herself from Chuck and not become a drooping weed that constantly need a guy on her arm in order to affirm herself.
Really feel sorry for Juliet now. The way the NJBC ganged up on her feels so typically rich, spoilt kids playing mean and deliberately excluding others, just because they can. This goes especially for Blair, who's so vindictive that it can be hard to watch at times. I mean, who the hell exiles people and sends out girls to pettily spy? Writers, let the underdogs win for once!

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It was full on fun but for the first time I wanted to Juliet to win bx I seriously dislike Sam Page - he is overrated, neither hot or good of an actor... Nate-Serena-Dan --- they should do threesome and get over with each other I have not read the books but please it will be terrible to see them fighting all over again like every season... its fourth season and they are again after each other.
BTW Kevin Zegers is coming back as Damien so he is perfect match for Serena (HOT twosOme)
P.S Pann and Blake broke up in real now watching them romancing on screen will be not much again and their romance has run its course.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Quotes

Chuck: This comforter blocks out so much noise they could sell it to Bose.
Blair: This has got to end.
Chuck: I thought I just did.
Blair: That was the last time.

Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like life is just passing us by. It's not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Music

  Song Artist
Blue-moon Blue Moon Kendal Johansson iTunes
Song As Far As I Can See The 88 iTunes
Down-by-the-water Down By The Water The Drums iTunes
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