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Gossip Girl Review: Poor Dan, Poorer Juliet and Holy Chairifornication!

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With heavy doses of hate sex, humor and twisted scheming, with a mega-teaser for next week to close it out, last night's Gossip Girl was everything we thought it could be.

Between Chuck and Blair's dueling, equally inept approaches to quitting the other to the gang confusing the heck out of the Dean (and us) to bail out S, it was GG at its best.

Counting the number of breakups may require a second hand, but that's par for the course. Juliet's plot was finally exposed (sort of), but she'll be back with reinforcements.

NJBC vs. the Outsiders? This is going to be good. Anyone taking bets?

Get That Beauty Rest

THIS NEEDS TO END: So Blair said. We couldn't disagree more.

"Juliet Doesn't Live Here Anymore" was proof that in the Gossip Girl universe, anything goes as long as you're invested and amused. We were definitely both throughout.

Most of the comic relief was provided by Chuck and Blair, who turned what could have been a completely lame plot line into one of the funniest ones we've seen in while.

Determined to break the cycle of hate sex, Blair wants a Bassectomy, to quit cold turkey. Chuck, meanwhile, wants Queen B to limber up for some "immersion therapy."

Pretty much every word out of either one was classic - conjuring up memories of old school, sleazy Chuck, only chasing Blair this time - as they tried to figure this out.

What made it truly great was the end, though. War games? Just friends? Hate sex? Check, check and check. Let's face it, they belong together, it's just a matter of time.

While Chair's sexual escapades took place throughout the episode, the main story line(s) involved Dan, Serena and Vanessa's plan to expose both Serena and later Juliet.

If you got confused reading that last sentence, that's appropriate, given how many twists this night took. But as we say, when it works, it works, and it definitely worked.

Dan decides he has feelings for Serena again (shocker there), and tells her to break up with Colin if he won't quit teaching for her. Which backfires after he does. Poor Dan.

At the same time, Nate goes to drop off Juliet's things and lied about where she lives, then enlists Vanessa to help get to the bottom of ... whatever the impostor's up to.

The secret Juliet was keeping is that she's ... poor. We still don't know why Serena is the bane of her existence, but she's merely fronting that she's an Upper East Sider.

A Nate and Juliet Pic

FAIL: Juliet was no match for our Upper East Siders. But in Round 2 ...

Naturally, this garners sympathy from Nate, who gives her another shot, but only after Vanessa somehow bribed her way in (yeah, right) to Juliet's modest apartment.

There, she found the pics of Serena and Colin, who had just convinced Juliet to let Ben serve time in jail for what he did (we still don't know), accept it and move on.

We did learn that Ben was a teacher of some kind, and that Colin thinks he deserves to be in jail. His link to Serena is still unclear, however. Boarding school, maybe?

Anyway, had Vanessa not broken in, things might have gone smoothly. But it's V. She's been beaten too many times to act rationally. You know she's gonna go rogue.

Things came to a head at the ballet they all attended, but right as Vanessa (and somehow Juliet) planned to expose Serena and Colin to the Dean, the gang intervened.

Colin announced he quit. Blair lied and said she slept with him. Chuck delivered some raspy-voiced nonsense. Blair ganked the flash drive and plopped it in champagne.

It was awesome. You could Juliet's her plan fizzled. Is this thing on?

Later, Colin skipped town to "focus on business," leaving Serena lonely and calling up Dan to "console her." But Nate ran into her first and begged for a second chance.

Which, apparently, he's going to get. Poor Dan again. Since Dena helped hook us on GG, we have a soft spot for that couple, but we enjoy Serenate as well. Tough call.

The episode concluded on a supremely awesome note when the vanquished Juliet joined forces with Vanessa and enlisted another outcast to join their crusade: Jenny.

As the saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Give Juliet and Vanessa credit for this at least, they don't take defeat sitting down, and they know their limits.

To stand any chance of victory against the NJBC, they need to call in the big guns. We have no clue what they'll try to pull off, but it'll be a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

** - NJBC = Non-Judging Breakfast Club, an unofficial support group formed back in Season One by Chuck, Blair, Nate and Serena, after she revealed she killed someone.

What did you think of Monday's Gossip Girl? How much do you love Chair? Do you prefer Derena or Serenate? Do the outsiders stand a chance? Discuss!

Review

Editor Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 3.9 / 5.0 (367 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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the writers have ruined the character of Jenny...

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Ok, I just saw the episode & here's what I have to say:
1) GREAT EPISODE! ESPECIALLY LOVED BLAIR'S QUOTES & THE CHAIR HATE SEX 2) SERENA NEEDS TO FORGET DAN & GET TOGETHER WITH NATE!! DID U C HIS FACE WHEN ASKING FOR A SECOND CHANCE?? SERENATE ARE THE GOLDEN COUPLE! THEY BELONG TOGETHER!! 3) THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO TO JJV (JENNY, JULIET, VANESSA): EXILE JULIET FROM NEW YORK, RIP JENNY'S DEAD HAIR OUT & BEAT HER UP UNTIL SHE IS PERMANENTLY PARALYZED, AND FINALLY THROW VANESSA OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING! That's all
xoxo

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Dear Writers, PLEASE dismiss the boring characters of Juliet, Vanessa,and Ugly Gothic Barbie i.e. Jenny. Don't you read the comments 90% of them say that they hate the above characters. Please for once give Nate and Serena the chance they deserve. They come from the same social cycle, they are the cutest couple,most of us want to see them together. Their on screen chemistry is unbelievable. Blake never had on screen chemistry with Dan (season 1 &2) her ex but at that time real life Boyfriend Penn. XOXOXOXOXO

Whipped by damon

I'm torn, I'd rather see Serena with Dan than with Nate, since I think the latter is really quite dull and without much substance, but ideally I'd like them all to have new partners!

Tfv168

It's more like NSBC vs the JJV (for Jr. Junior Varsity) because that's what Jenny, Juliet and Vanessa are compared to NSBC.

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Great episode! While we didn't actually see any 'hate sex-, we know what was going on. What was even more fun was all the double-entendres and one-liners from Blair and Chuck. Actually, a lot of the dialogue was pretty damn funny from several of the characters :) Vanessa--sad thing that she is--hooking up with J&J. This will play out at the masquerade ball as we have seen all three blondes in the same blue gown and mask: Serena, Jenny, and Juliet. The question is, what are they planning on doing--and to whom? We know they are going to screw with Serena, so I'm thinking that the other two will be saying and doing stuff with Dan and Nate, but pretending to be Serena, so that they both wind up hating her. The question is: will it work? I say no :)

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I love the NJBC :D : D And it will be cool to see them all together against the outsiders. And seriously the outsiders (with Gothic Barbie as leader) have not any chance, haha :P

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This episode was awesome!! I love the hate sex, Chair needs to continue progressing their relationship!!!!! I love that the Fantastic 4 united & N,B,C helped Serena. Just like old times!! It felt really good for Vanessa & Juliet to get a nice slap in the face... Until at the end you see those two outsiders planning with the one person that needs to be killed off the show. BLAIR needs to take these three down already. It is just a matter of time. I love Serena, don't get me wrong, but I hate always seeing Blair having to come to her aid and take down all of S's enemies. She really needs to be with Nate and stop being a slut. Sorry I said it but Serena hasn't completely done a 360 change, yeah she might not party & all but she is still jumping from guy to guy. DEFINETLY a great episode, can't wait for next week!!! COME ON BLAIR!!

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I am so bored with the Dan-Serena-Nate storyline, Dan and Serena were great in the beginning when Dan was truly a lonely boy and Serena wasn't so scratch-my-eyes-out irritating! But its Season 4 now and any relationship Serena has with these two boys is just tired. Is there seriously no one else on the Upper East Side? I think Gossip Girl needs to fresh meat, get rid of Vanessa and Jenny (and the boring Juliet) and bring in a new PERMANENT cast member to antagonize/shake up the group, and be a potential love interest to Serena or Blair. Leighton Meester's delightful acting and Blake's hair is the only reason why I watch this show anymore.

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this show fucking sucks!!!! god ugly 4th season

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Quotes

Chuck: This comforter blocks out so much noise they could sell it to Bose.
Blair: This has got to end.
Chuck: I thought I just did.
Blair: That was the last time.

Serena: I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like life is just passing us by. It's not fair.
Blair: Life is tough Serena. Get a helmet.

Gossip Girl Season 4 Episode 8 Music

  Song Artist
Blue moon Blue Moon Kendal Johansson iTunes
Song As Far As I Can See The 88 iTunes
Down by the water Down By The Water The Drums iTunes
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