Two and a Half Men Season Premiere Scoop: MURDER!

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It's been confirmed: Two and a Half Men will premiere its ninth season with a funeral in honor of Charlie Harper. It will feature a few big names stopping by to pay their respects to the womanizer.

Now, sources tell TMZ just how the show will arrive at this storyline: through murder!!!

Ashton Kutcher on Set

Ashton Kutcher reacts to applause on his first day of shooting Two and a Half Men.

At the sitcom's taping Friday night, witnesses say Rose gave a speech in which it was revealed she and Harper got married, but she soon discovered that he had cheated on her. He subsequently "slipped" off a Pars subway platform and was blown into a "meat explosion."

The implication? Rose killed Charlie and got away with it.

Sounds like something Chuck Lorre would right about his former star's character, doesn't it?

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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?
Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.
Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass."
Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch

Woman [to Charlie about Jake]: You guys are really great together.
Charlie: Thanks.
Woman: Your wife must be proud.
Charlie: Oh, no, I'm not married.
Woman: Too bad.
Charlie: Wow, you're even better than a dog