Gossip Girl Review: Miss Blair Digest Everything Now

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So far, so good. There's no doubt that Gossip Girl's fifth season could easily go flying off the rails in a matter of weeks, but the first two episodes have provided plenty of laughs, scandals and topics for debate.

Sure, "Beauty and the Feast" had its share of genuinely horrible acting and eye-rolling plot holes. But hey, that's Gossip Girl for you. If you care about the characters and their adventures, it still works.

I definitely do care, especially about Blair. Poor, pregnant, hilarious Blair.

Leighton on GG Set

Leighton Meester is always at her best when her character is scrambling, and boy, was that the case tonight. Thanks to her big secret and Princess Beatrice's bid to ruin Louis' future bride, B was on the ropes!

Meester conveys a range of emotions with such ease. You can't help but feel for Blair and wonder how the heck she's going to wrangle herself out of this one, while enjoying watching her squirm just the same.

I enjoyed the continuity aspect of this episode. Blair's bulimic tendencies resurfaced (as did Nate's pot ingesting and Serena's inability to see through obvious lies), even if she's no longer binging and purging.

Not willingly, anyway. The spawn of either Chuck or Louis is wreaking havoc in there, but because of her past eating disorder, Beatrice was convinced something was amiss. It was a nice, oddly realistic touch.

As realistic as a vindictive sister's plot to sabotage a royal wedding could be, at least. The strange thing? Finding out the real reason for Blair's frequent visits to les toilettes was actually a letdown for Beatrice!

Having realized that Blair is expecting a future heir(ess), she decided that's not a deal breaker for her family. But rest assured, Beatrice vowed as she mauled the priest in the limo (?!), the throne will be HERS.

It's all a bit roundabout. Then again, her courtship with Louis has felt that way fro the start, so whatever, I'll buy it. Ridiculous make-out session and ulterior motives aside, Beatrice proved a formidable foe.

Best of all, though, were Blair's exchanges with Dorota about their respective pregnancies. Absolutely priceless, as were her increasingly awkward efforts to hide it from everyone else. Blair made this episode.

Elizabeth Hurley and Chace Crawford

The fact that Dan emerged as her confidant was special as well. Odds are he's not the father, unless they both conveniently neglected to tell us something. Still, she and Humphrey have a bond all their own.

You'll always have me. No matter where you fall on the Chair/Dair/Blouis romantic spectrum, you have to admit that Blair and Dan have the strongest connection right now, even if it's strictly platonic.

While it's unlikely Dan and Blair did the deed at some point (we would've heard about it here), she and Chuck did. Louis' virility can only increase the probability so much. We see a DNA test in her future.

Chuck, of course, doesn't know this. Think the possibility of becoming a father would cure his mental block and allow him feel something again? A pregnancy has to carry the weight of 20 back alley fights.

For now, he's resigned to the latter, however. What we saw in last week's Season 5 premiere was an act. He's become numb to the world since he let Blair go, trying anything and everything to feel alive.

Dan, Nate and some random doctor weren't able to cure Chuck, but they did help him diagnose his condition in the end. Whether he'll dial it back or keep pushing his limits even further remains uncertain.

Speaking of continuity, how hilarious was Chuck name-dropping his old literary alter ego Charlie Trout when Dan brought up his predicament? Having seen every episode, I always appreciate such references.

Mr. Bass' explanation for coming around - "Just because I no longer feel doesn't mean everyone else should bear the humiliation" - was also choice. Typical Chuck. Despite his issues, he's a loyal friend!

Charlie or Ivy

His partner in crime Archibald is a loyal guy, too, but aside from getting naked with every new character (outdoors, no less!) and turning down prestigious internships, he's perpetual Gossip Girl pawn.

Whatever Diana Payne is up to, it can't be good, and Nate obviously doesn't see it coming. He's simply blinded by pot brownies, sex and man bangs. We all love him for it, but it does get a little stale.

Maybe we'll be surprised and Nate's storyline will actually be substantive. Most likely not. Regardless, it likely entails hot cougar sex and Elizabeth Hurley's character trying to take down Gossip Girl. Nice.

Equally, if not more gullible than Nathaniel is Serena, who wants SO DESPERATELY to be BFFs with non-cousin Charlie that she overlooks her overtly shady behavior approximately every 30 seconds.

The L.A. scenes were definitely the weak point of this episode, both in terms of plot and character investment. Why doesn't Serena take a hint? Why couldn't Ivy successfully ditch her? Does anyone care?

Hopefully, Serena and Charlie/Ivy will be woven into the broader narrative this fall in a clever way, because tonight didn't do it for me. It's early yet, at least. Plenty of time for her to forget her meds.

That's all for now, but "Beauty and the Feast" should give you plenty discuss with TV Fanatic as you hit the comments below! Come back tomorrow for news, promos and our Round Table! Finally, tonight's poll:

Who is the father of Blair's baby?


Editor Rating: 3.7 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.4 / 5.0 (223 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


*how can Dan be the father? (sorry)


Hum, who can Dan be the father ?


the only reason i watch GG now is Dair! Everything else is kinda boring..


I really think Steve Marsi is Mr Leigh Meeston. Why couldn't you come out with a more substantive role for Blake Lively. Is she just a wall flower to you? she is a feast on the eyes and I am pretty sure that GG seasons 1-3 is really has more Serena storylines than 4. This early, all GG5 focuses on Blair


Gotta love serena, so ivy or Charlie wants to make it on her own without mommy and grandmommy money and serena uses her brain to get her the trust fund and be like her, this girl logic has a lot of issues, and her dedication to work was very clear in here.


Chuck is doing the male equivalent of 'cutting' but, conversion disorder? I don't think so... Blair and Dan--that's an awesome friendship, and I don't see it going further than that, but Dan is President of the non-judgmental breakfast club :P Ivy/Charlie--I didn't want her back last season. I sure as hell don't want to see her this season. The whole storyline feels forced, but I'm thinking that her b.f. (the hottie from SG:U) is going to follow her to NY and expose her, whether on purpose or by accident.


@ UncleJackass LOL at the supernatural reference!


And I personally refuse to believe that the devilish despo vulnerable sex craze side that blair showed when she was with chuck was the real her.. Seriously that's like serenas job, blairs too sophisticated for that! Just like dan, he might be poor but that guy is a class of his own! Ooo and I'm thinkin now that ivy/charlies comin back that might make dan like her again :P plus the first thought that popped into my head when I saw beatrice that itd be cool if she showed a 'fling/one night only' sorta interest in dan, which made blair all jealous :P

Uncle jackass

"Title: The Superficial Beauty and the Feasts." Personally, what was unbelievably annoying about this episode was how many characters were being "HANDLED," by a bunch of idiots! So, I agree with Steve, if you still like our fav characters, that's all that matters. Intro: Blair handles Dorota's Doctor to vicariously gather info on pregnancy issues related to herself. So the pretense is gone and Dorota's quickly deduces that Blair is pregnant too. And so begins the fall of Queen Bee... ... with both lying in bed with the same nausea state. lol. Ivy handles Lt. Dreamer: Living in a fake actors lifestyle Ivy has been handling a Dan type dreamer in San Maria with barely any more funding. She eventually has to dump him after committing to a lifestyle lie with Serena (read onwards). Serena handles Fake Charlie: Were you expecting a new Georgina or master-mind UES like Blair in the new character Ivy? After, all wasn't that the point of her grabbing Georgina's card? I'm afraid, it seems she is out-of her league. Imagine how comical it was that she was barely keeping her lie as being Charlie around Serena with every turn leading closer to the truth, but Serena is still not the bit wiser by the end. She even invites her back to her lifestyle in the UES full of cash and trust funds from Ceci. How accommodating :-) Diana Payne handles Nate: So he's got an itch that only a "mother complex" can scratch. And you thought it was just with Louis? Proof that Chuck was right that for people like them, a college diploma is just an accessory, he's mother has a line of internships ready for his 3 yr? But not clinging to he's unforgettable memories of Liz Hurley he finds her promptly with a job offer right in of he's door steps. Suspicious? Apparently not, not according to the "Book according to Nate." Beatrice handles Blair... and the CLEARLY Fake French Father?: Introducing a new beautiful brunette is the new character, Beatrice. Why isn't she speaking French? It's the Tardis, everything is translated to the simplest language for the UES, speak slowly otherwise it won't work. So why would Blair allow this new Probie foe to ruin her? Well, Queen Bee has seen better days. Every food, movement, and weird musky African perfume translates to instant nausea. And naturally, a feast of many smells awaits her as well. Beatrice isn't too bright with her deductions of Blair's state as well. Dumb luck leads to her finding out Blair's pregnancy. The thought never crossed her mind that "Brooke's" father could be anyone? And the Father Cavalia? Not a Father by any imagination. Go Team Duck!!! Dan handling Chuck: So, it seems that even though Chuck would be extremely irritated and annoyed by the normal presence of Hum Drum Humphrey, it appears that either he does have a form of Post Dramatic/Stress Disorder or he lost his soul like Sam Winchester. Hence, his tolerance is now infinite. Of course, Dan initially found the apathetic Chuck using the Chuck signal, but quickly found him hiring the Chair Basher goons to awaken his emotions. Best Quote of the Episode: Dan: "I could tickle you?"
Chuck: "I rather get hire someone else, if you don't mind" lol, charlie trout reference! So what do I predict will come? I suspect more of the face of Dan Humphrey being punched in the near future. Every clue is leading towards the fact that Dan is going to be the "Advertised" father of Blair's baby, so that Prince Louis doesn't go ape angry that Blair slept with Chuck. In fact, every action in this episode sets up that Dan is growing up by protecting everyone from their own fates. The book will solidify that Dan might be the father in the eyes of the public; thus allowing enough time for Blair to take the DNA test to confirm that it is Chuck's baby. On the friendship front for both Blair and Dan, it seems that it's fully solidified. Unfortunately, it's platonic. Dan is NOT going to make a move on a pregnant Blair, he chooses not to be heart-broken from the last tryst between Chuck and Blair, he helps Chuck go through he's emotional issues, and he's trying to prevent the book release for his family and friend's sake; this includes Chuck as well. I can also see "Team Chain" coming along as well. I.e. both Blair and Chuck needing Dan parasitically. More to come...


Here's my take on what endgame will be.. Nate and Serena are obv gonna be together in the end, since they showed love towards each other b4 dan came in the picture, plus they get each other more, fam probs, trust funds, wh0ring around, trustin too easy, bla blaaa and one imp thing, dan always judged serena, nate dint..seems to me like dan was in love with who he wanted serena to be as opposed to who she was, secondly he is very acceptable with blair ever since he's started liking her anddd since serenas taken I'm thinkin hell be with blair buttt not sure for blair its 50 percent chuck n 50 percent dan! O and jenny and eric wudve been great.. If only

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes

OB GYN: Dorota, how are you?
Blair: She's fine. I'm Blair, Dorota's employer. I have a few questions.
Dorota: Just go with it. Is only way.
Blair: What about breast sensitivity? She practically screams when anyone touches them. I can hear her all the way in Queens.
Doctor: Perfectly normal.
Blair: Great. And how long until she can determine the father of her child? She's had a few one night stands with the staff of our building...
Dorota: Blair Cornelia Waldorf!

Dan: Blair, what's going on? I thought you were mad at me.
Blair: And I forgive you if you shut up and guard the door.
Dan: It's not like you to forgive me. Or run away from a feast.