Gossip Girl Review: Blair's Royal Nightmare

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Duplicity was the word of the hour on tonight's Gossip Girl, an uneven installment at times, but one which nevertheless contained some new twists and potentially major teases for the coming weeks.

On the heels of last week's "Memoirs of an Invisible Dan," one of the better episodes in recent memory, "The Fasting and the Furious" didn't quite find its footing until the end due to various plot holes.

Why would one story on Gossip Girl derail the Spectator, run by so-called mogul Diana? How was everybody at the Waldorfs so conveniently? How did Diana and Beatrice's convoluted plot work flawlessly?

It feels silly to nitpick, because it's Gossip Girl and we love it regardless, knowing that some suspension of reality is necessary. But when the stretches become numerous, it detracts from the experience.

All that said, there were some emotional scenes and events that will keep us guessing for the next two weeks (the show takes a week off before returning with "I Am Number Nine" November 7), namely:

The Parents To Be

Louis has the envelope. Blair and Louis began the episode with a joint announcement to their families, who reacted as one might expect, with both joy and trepidation. Then it devolved into a giant mess.

The Grimaldis insisted that B reside in Monaco. The Waldorfs have other ideas. This kind of tension, albeit on a smaller scale, plagues many couples. But the way the conflict was resolved was ridiculous.

First of all, the Yom Kippur feast uniting the characters midway through the night felt very thrown together. Second, it needed more Wallace Shawn, even if we can be grateful to see Cyrus at all.

Beatrice sure concocts roundabout ways of undermining her brother, with Diana's involvement even harder to believe. But that's all very secondary right now considering LOUIS HAS THE ENVELOPE.

If he opened it and learned that Blair's baby was indeed his, he wouldn't have picked up the phone, right? I'd have to guess not, but perhaps he would still be irate that she even had such a test done.

Either way, we'll have to wait and see how a certain psychologist fits into this.

Side note: How special was the scene between Blair and Eleanor? If that's any indication of how wonderful these strong Waldorf women can be, Blair has a great role model in the parenting department.

Someday in about half a year. Blair Waldorf is going to be a mother. That knowledge hasn't had a chance to sink in yet, but when she told her mom and Cyrus, it became very real - for better or worse.

I find myself increasingly concerned for Blair, because as much as she's to blame for her own problems, I feel she legitimately tries to do the right thing. But her decisions may come back to haunt her.

How will Louis react if he learns the baby his not his? What if his family - or Diana - finds out and leaks the story? Or even just reports that there was even a test? Blair will be crushed, one way or another.

Expect her to land on her feet eventually, though. She's a Waldorf, after all.

Despite the unplanned nature of the pregnancy, Blair is going to be an amazing mom. The question is who will raise it with her, which brings us back to Louis, Eliza Barnes, and our next subject ...

Nice Suit Chuck

Chuck needs help. After meeting Dr. Barnes, one and the same, at the dog park with Monkey (and briefly Dan, in another classic too-brief scene at the beginning), Chuck realizes he is a lost soul.

She shot him down and dressed him down hard, and you have to like that the show's writers are introducing a believable instrument of change for Chuck. Getting him ready to be a father, perhaps?

Sure, no doctor would psychoanalyze someone like that on the street, and the idea that this woman is also connected to Louis seems far-fetched. But for Mr. Bass, this was a long time coming.

If we assume Chuck got Blair pregnant - and tonight's events seemed to hint at that, indirectly - will they find their happily ever after? How will they get to that point? Chuck needs to fix himself.

His late night phone call was the first step, although clearly Louis isn't going away quietly. What does he know, and will Chuck get the help he needs before his downward spiral ends catastrophically?

The return of Derena? That certainly came out of nowhere, didn't it? Just a week ago, Dan was pining for Blair as hard as we'd ever seen it. Now, he may be back in Serena's arms before long.

"You were the love of my life. I thought I was yours too." Gossip Girl would certainly come full circle if this storybook romance were rekindled, and if Serena has her say, it might happen. Soon.

Can you ever recall Serena van der Woodsen being more sure of what she wants, even if admitting it scared her and made her so vulnerable? Her apology to Blair was heartfelt and harsh - to herself.

She was jealous of Blair, not for reasons, but because Dan's feelings for her were so profound. Seeing that Blair and Dan aren't on speaking terms, and he and Serena will be working together ...

Just saying. That door was reopened tonight. Whether Derena ever becomes a full-fledged couple again remains to be seen, but she's back on Team Humphrey, and not just for the movie rights.

Which she got by pulling a ballsy move, it's worth noting. Falsely telling a movie news site that her boss had the option? Shady, but bold. Who said S never worked hard or put herself out there?

Do you think this officially marks the beginning of a new, romantic chapter between Dan and Serena - and the end of any hope Dan and Blair had of a romantic future? Or do more twists lie ahead?

Diana Bends Over

What is Diana hiding?! Honestly, I was starting to get bored with Diana until her last-second shadiness with Bart Bass' files, but now the stakes are higher again. Who is she and what does she know?

For a woman who relentlessly hunts down scandals, she sure looked like she wanted to hide one at the end. Ms. Payne clearly knows more than she's letting on about Bart ... possibly Chuck, who knows.

That I did not see coming. She blackmailed Ivy into getting her some UES gossip, which Ivy in turned manipulated Nate to get, but which Diana led to her believe was useless, only it apparently wasn't.

What did she set fire to, and what is her endgame in all of this? If she's motivated by something other than taking down Gossip Girl and making the Spectator a force ... that would make more sense.

It's been hard to buy Diana's storyline, but perhaps that's because there's more to it than we know. Does anyone get the feeling that when this hits the fan, whatever it may be, it's going to be epic?

That's all for now. Hit the comments and tell us what you thought of tonight and what you think/hope will happen next! Then come back tomorrow for news, promos and our Round Table! And vote ...

Who makes the better couple on Gossip Girl?


Editor Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.9 / 5.0 (311 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


I'm needing Chuck and Blair to continue viewing the show. Last night the best thing was Chuck growing and Eleanor slapping Blair with reality. @Maribells I agree with everything you just stated and i'm not sure why people think this ends with "Dair forever". it's pointing the opposite.It's saying Blair sees Dan as friend that's it and her feelings are NOT repressed in any way.


I just want Chuck and Blair and with so much awesome Chuck stuff happening toward his growth I can feel it coming!! Really can't wait. Blair will wake up and something Chair has to happen, for the good of the show lol


I'm sorry, I honestly can't see how some of you think this is steering the show towards pairing Dan and Blair together. Blair knows Dan was having creepy sex fantasies about her, she read his soft-core fanfiction- and she still didn't want him. Reading someone's glowing portrayal of you isn't going to turn non-feelings into feelings... if anything, it might make her like him more in a sort of patronizing, pitying sort of way, but I would hope Dan has more self-respect than to settle for that. If anything, the show seems to be setting up Dan's crush on Blair as an obstacle in his reuniting with Serena, and (hopefully) the death of the Blair-Serena rivalry that's been a running undercurrent since the pilot. Meanwhile, Chuck is obviously being redeemed and matured, and it's not for nothing- it's clearly to reunite him with Blair (and possibly even so he can be a father). The show isn't going to end with Dan and Blair eating pizza and watching a movie on the couch, while Chuck and Serena are off crying in a corner over how awful they are. Chuck/Blair and Dan/Serena have been the main stories for the majority of the series now, so if you're going to complain about that, you should've turned this show off halfway through season 1.


blair barely talks about the baby itself and when she does, it's like she's talking about a dog. and speaking of dogs, in ten seconds, chuck showed more love, affection, and paternal instinct to monkey than blair has shown to the child she's carrying for the entirety of this season." I couldn't agree more. I was thinking about it whenever she came on screen. I was surprised when she said "Hey, Serena this baby thing is a real hit." She is not mother material. She doesn't even seem that excited to be a mom.


I totally agree with Katie that dair should be the inevitable pairing. I also think it is interesting to me how disgusted I felt about the possibility of Serena and Dan getting back together. Dan belongs with Blair now.


They should bring Vanessa back just so her and Louis can create an army of trolls together.


I honestly feel like the inevitable pairing is DAIR. For real, they keep steering us back. Crazy CHAIR shippers will see this setting up as Chuck/Blair but the emphasis is on how Chuck LOST Blair (Lily/Dr. Barnes both repeat this). I think the Derena is a red herring and the obvious fact is that Blair hasn't read the book yet. When she does and sees not only how accepting Dan is of her faults but also how much he earnestly loves her and is inspired by her, how could she resist? I can't wait to see more DAIR action, especially after she reads his book. I think that Diana is Chuck's mother and that Louis will turn Blair away at the altar. The end. I think Chuck could be a great character but his hang up on Blair and his own arrogance about his relationship with Blair is his downfall.


honestly i hate what blair is turning into. she is turing into, boring, perfect, innocent, anoyying blair! i want the olod blair back! she is so boring with louis and she is extremley boring with dan! this is really getting anoyying. i do not get how people could see want dan and blair together.... its disgusting. they have no passion and that one fake (dream kiss) was pathetic. no passion at all. if there were a dan and blair there would be no show.
chuck and blair need to get back together, they make the show.


(First of all, excuse my english, i'm a spanish fan of the show)
I was hoping for Derena to come back, they've always been the cutest couple on the show (althoungh i'd really admire the chemistry between chuck & blair). They are the beauty & the beast, the rich one & the poor one, Serena is the perfect "platonic" love for a writer-guy like Dan! And it's so artistic a story with such a problematic girl like Serena... I don't know when Dair appeared on the show, did I miss it? Ok, they are the smartest guys on the show.... but nothing more. I've never felt the love between them...


I am not a Derena fan. I actually dislike Serena most of the time.. But I loved her today. Her interaction with B and D were the best part of the episode. They touched me so much. I felt for Serena for the first time ever... she really needs to work for his affections though...

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Blair: I hope they take it well. Nothing matters more than our child being born into a big happy family.
Louis: Are you ready?

On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say that determines who you are. It's what you do.

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