Gossip Girl Review: Blair's Royal Nightmare

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Duplicity was the word of the hour on tonight's Gossip Girl, an uneven installment at times, but one which nevertheless contained some new twists and potentially major teases for the coming weeks.

On the heels of last week's "Memoirs of an Invisible Dan," one of the better episodes in recent memory, "The Fasting and the Furious" didn't quite find its footing until the end due to various plot holes.

Why would one story on Gossip Girl derail the Spectator, run by so-called mogul Diana? How was everybody at the Waldorfs so conveniently? How did Diana and Beatrice's convoluted plot work flawlessly?

It feels silly to nitpick, because it's Gossip Girl and we love it regardless, knowing that some suspension of reality is necessary. But when the stretches become numerous, it detracts from the experience.

All that said, there were some emotional scenes and events that will keep us guessing for the next two weeks (the show takes a week off before returning with "I Am Number Nine" November 7), namely:

The Parents To Be

Louis has the envelope. Blair and Louis began the episode with a joint announcement to their families, who reacted as one might expect, with both joy and trepidation. Then it devolved into a giant mess.

The Grimaldis insisted that B reside in Monaco. The Waldorfs have other ideas. This kind of tension, albeit on a smaller scale, plagues many couples. But the way the conflict was resolved was ridiculous.

First of all, the Yom Kippur feast uniting the characters midway through the night felt very thrown together. Second, it needed more Wallace Shawn, even if we can be grateful to see Cyrus at all.

Beatrice sure concocts roundabout ways of undermining her brother, with Diana's involvement even harder to believe. But that's all very secondary right now considering LOUIS HAS THE ENVELOPE.

If he opened it and learned that Blair's baby was indeed his, he wouldn't have picked up the phone, right? I'd have to guess not, but perhaps he would still be irate that she even had such a test done.

Either way, we'll have to wait and see how a certain psychologist fits into this.

Side note: How special was the scene between Blair and Eleanor? If that's any indication of how wonderful these strong Waldorf women can be, Blair has a great role model in the parenting department.

Someday in about half a year. Blair Waldorf is going to be a mother. That knowledge hasn't had a chance to sink in yet, but when she told her mom and Cyrus, it became very real - for better or worse.

I find myself increasingly concerned for Blair, because as much as she's to blame for her own problems, I feel she legitimately tries to do the right thing. But her decisions may come back to haunt her.

How will Louis react if he learns the baby his not his? What if his family - or Diana - finds out and leaks the story? Or even just reports that there was even a test? Blair will be crushed, one way or another.

Expect her to land on her feet eventually, though. She's a Waldorf, after all.

Despite the unplanned nature of the pregnancy, Blair is going to be an amazing mom. The question is who will raise it with her, which brings us back to Louis, Eliza Barnes, and our next subject ...

Nice Suit Chuck

Chuck needs help. After meeting Dr. Barnes, one and the same, at the dog park with Monkey (and briefly Dan, in another classic too-brief scene at the beginning), Chuck realizes he is a lost soul.

She shot him down and dressed him down hard, and you have to like that the show's writers are introducing a believable instrument of change for Chuck. Getting him ready to be a father, perhaps?

Sure, no doctor would psychoanalyze someone like that on the street, and the idea that this woman is also connected to Louis seems far-fetched. But for Mr. Bass, this was a long time coming.

If we assume Chuck got Blair pregnant - and tonight's events seemed to hint at that, indirectly - will they find their happily ever after? How will they get to that point? Chuck needs to fix himself.

His late night phone call was the first step, although clearly Louis isn't going away quietly. What does he know, and will Chuck get the help he needs before his downward spiral ends catastrophically?

The return of Derena? That certainly came out of nowhere, didn't it? Just a week ago, Dan was pining for Blair as hard as we'd ever seen it. Now, he may be back in Serena's arms before long.

"You were the love of my life. I thought I was yours too." Gossip Girl would certainly come full circle if this storybook romance were rekindled, and if Serena has her say, it might happen. Soon.

Can you ever recall Serena van der Woodsen being more sure of what she wants, even if admitting it scared her and made her so vulnerable? Her apology to Blair was heartfelt and harsh - to herself.

She was jealous of Blair, not for reasons, but because Dan's feelings for her were so profound. Seeing that Blair and Dan aren't on speaking terms, and he and Serena will be working together ...

Just saying. That door was reopened tonight. Whether Derena ever becomes a full-fledged couple again remains to be seen, but she's back on Team Humphrey, and not just for the movie rights.

Which she got by pulling a ballsy move, it's worth noting. Falsely telling a movie news site that her boss had the option? Shady, but bold. Who said S never worked hard or put herself out there?

Do you think this officially marks the beginning of a new, romantic chapter between Dan and Serena - and the end of any hope Dan and Blair had of a romantic future? Or do more twists lie ahead?

Diana Bends Over

What is Diana hiding?! Honestly, I was starting to get bored with Diana until her last-second shadiness with Bart Bass' files, but now the stakes are higher again. Who is she and what does she know?

For a woman who relentlessly hunts down scandals, she sure looked like she wanted to hide one at the end. Ms. Payne clearly knows more than she's letting on about Bart ... possibly Chuck, who knows.

That I did not see coming. She blackmailed Ivy into getting her some UES gossip, which Ivy in turned manipulated Nate to get, but which Diana led to her believe was useless, only it apparently wasn't.

What did she set fire to, and what is her endgame in all of this? If she's motivated by something other than taking down Gossip Girl and making the Spectator a force ... that would make more sense.

It's been hard to buy Diana's storyline, but perhaps that's because there's more to it than we know. Does anyone get the feeling that when this hits the fan, whatever it may be, it's going to be epic?

That's all for now. Hit the comments and tell us what you thought of tonight and what you think/hope will happen next! Then come back tomorrow for news, promos and our Round Table! And vote ...

Who makes the better couple on Gossip Girl?


Editor Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.9 / 5.0 (311 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


at least diana's plot was interesting.


i absolutely hated this episode... i mean the only thing interesting was that louis is turning into chuck & chuck into louis... sort of like a reversal of roles. i was there was something to come out of the mysterious envelope... i wish there was more fire in ivy against diana... i mean it's diana's word over ivy's... there isn't any evidence of anything. i wish there was more out of the photo diana burnt... i mean we don't know who that person is & nothing was said at all. also, beatrice has no purpose in adding those clauses into the contract & on finding out the truth... her mother should have exiled herr... not sided with her. it's so unrealistic that should would side with a daughter over her son, future daughter-in-law & future grand child. also, over the years serena has not grown as a character at all... i expected to be fired from her job & get a reality check... but instead she put on a sob story for dan & everyone gave her her way as usual. serena never has to try, redeem herself, suffer the consequences for her mistakes... she always turns things around & everyone feels sorry for her. the character is becoming more and more pathetic. she needs a story... i mean she isn't even doing anything interesting. i'm hoping she is asked to play a role in a movie & becomes a famous moviestar... living a fascinating life lik everyone else... and blair is pregnant. she's so young & has the weight of the world on her shoulders & yet she making the most rational choices... keeping in mind she's making the best decisions for her & her baby. when she visited serena at work... i expected serena to quit her job & leave with blair. side with blair & work on some grand scheme to get rid of beatrice. something... anything of interest. it's seems to be that the villians r getting away & everyone else is left helpless. and why oh why is it necessary to completely ruin louis' character??????????????????????? why is it necessary to run him into the ground?????????? it seems to me that after a few extremely wonderful episodes the writers have stopped thinking... i mean with their brains & their hearts... abt where they're taking these characters. every single episode should be complete in itself... worthwhile to watch... not mere preparation for future episodes to come & this is exactly what this episode was. if i didn't watch this episode i wouldn't have missed anything... because there was nothing at all to gain from it. truely disappointed... but i'm a faithful fan so i'm continue to watch. i only hope there wil never be an episode like this again this season or any future seasons. such a letdown... and a reminder... last season wasn't so great dear writers... let's not have a repeat okay. blake lively is as equally incredible an actress as leighton meester... let her not go to waste okay.


Gossip Girl has just lost me again... I came back because of Dair and started watching every week again, but now that it all seems to be going back to the stale beginnings, it's becoming boring again. It's a shame, because I really like the concept of GG, but get annoyed by these lust-filled-nothing-else-in-common relationships. What do Dan and Serena talk about?? What kind of intellectually challenging activities can they do together? And the same goes (although to a lesser extent) for Blair and Chuck. Goodbye GG!!


Why did Bart have himself investigated? Or am I missing something?


I think that Diana is the mother of Bart Bass' love child (the girl in the photo that she torched). Chuck has a sister? Would make things interesting!


I noticed at the end when Louis was talking to the psychiatrist that he walked past the Marie Antoinette mural and then the camera framed it. Nice foreshadowing!


O and Diana is definitely related to Chuck somehow, not talking about blood bonds, but she s connected, and in a big waaay. In a way this was actually a great episode, sort of setting the mood for the next episodes. :)


@ Quina ; I think we need to wait. There is hope. I'm a dair fan , but tonight seeing the old spark between serena and dan was just too cute, like chair, they have an undeniable history, whic just weighs in on the heart since it brings a sense of nostalgia with it, I think that's the same with Chair atm, and the "electricity" we are feeling is actually the same as what we feel for Derena. Sadness of a love lost. I WAS PISSED. NEARLY THREW MY LAPTOP. When they didn't show Blairs face in the bff hug! It wouldve told a lot about Blairs sentiments towards the outright mention of her being the star of dans books.
And is it just me? Or did she actually look sad and drawn when Dan came up ? After this episode i immediately went to youtube and watched chairs piano scene, awesomeness, Derena and Chair tug at out hearts coz of how awesome they were, but Dair would be too no doubt, it just requires a chance :)


The picture that Diana burned was one of herself in her younger days. It actually looked like she was wearing a private school uniform. I'm dying to know her relation to Bart Bass. @mar: I certainly hope Jack is in involved! I like it when he's the villain. With regards to Serena's speech - It honestly reminded me more of the old, more sensible Serena (the character she became after dating Dan for some time). Remember that sometimes it was Serena who was the voice of reason as opposed to... say... Blair, who would rather come up with a scheme. (Not that B didn't solve things her own way, anyways) So I liked the speech. It is true that Serena can be self-centered and immature, but in the earlier seasons I remember her changing for the better with Dan, and for her friends. So it wasn't completely out of the blue. Now...LOUIS. This might be the first episode that I found this character compelling! I loved how he turned the tables on his mother. And I honestly love that we're gonna see a bit of the dark side of this prince. It makes him more human. As much as I wish the baby was Chuck's.... I'm doubtful at this point... if Louis was ready to leave Blair and the UES after reading Dan's book, why the hell would he stay and try to scheme around for a baby that isn't even his??
NOW - him knowing that a paternity test was even necessary, would make him want to keep B and C apart (as some spoilers have suggested).


like wtf dan needs to geow some and fight for blair he gets over her to easy 1st ivy now serena again come on writter even penn things blair & dan are soulmates and why hasnt she forgiven him. plus i hate ivy so get her the heck away from nate if anything he belongs to serena. and if yall want a real shocker u would make dan the father of blairs baby.

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Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

Blair: I hope they take it well. Nothing matters more than our child being born into a big happy family.
Louis: Are you ready?

On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say that determines who you are. It's what you do.

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