Gossip Girl Review: World War Waldorf

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In the run-up to Gossip Girl's winter finale, we were teased with promises of tensions boiling over between Dan and Chuck, Blair escaping her prenup after all, and another major scandal rocking the Upper East Side.

"The Princess Dowry" delivered on all accounts ... in an episode that was one of the most convoluted in recent memory (even by Gossip Girl standards). Still, it gave us plenty to discuss between now and April 2.

Only Gossip Girl would have Blair attempt to get around a previously airtight prenup, only to be shot down by the royals, only to be helped out by minder Estee, only to have that blow up in her face, in under an hour.

Behind it all was Georgina, who decided she was retiring as GG, but only after she blew the lid off a mega-scandal, then found out about and used an even bigger scandal as potential leverage, again in under an hour.

Meanwhile, Cece's will was read at her wake ... by the executor of her estate, William. All of her assets were left to her fake granddaughter, Ivy, spurning the Rhodes sisters and prompting Carol to drop a bomb ... on William.

While Georgina sauntered by, obviously, at that precise moment.

It was enough to make your head spin, but here's the upshot:

Chuck, Dan and Georgina

- Chair is no more. One week is like an eternity on the Upper East Side these days, so who knows if that will change. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" seems pretty straightforward, however.

Chuck was not all bad tonight. He fell victim to Georgina's meddling and while it surely would've delighted him to take down Dan, he was also motivated by clearing his own name and protecting Blair.

The look on his face when he realized what he'd done to the Waldorfs financially said it all. He knew he screwed up big time, but it also wasn't his intent. Chuck's not perfect, but he's not a monster.

After Blair "broke up" with him, he immediately knew it even if they were never together and those words were never used. Her heart wasn't with him anymore. Yet he isn't all alone in this world.

Jack gave him the blood transfusion that saved his life, not Blair's pact with God. It's surprising he wasn't told about this earlier, and Jack's return to the show this spring should be very interesting.

- Dair it is. Despite Dan's misdeeds in sending the blast, he has her heart. Dair shared a passionate kiss, and according to the promo for the spring return (below), will soon share A LOT more.

Dan coming clean about sending the infamous blast, and his desire to keep Chuck and Blair apart - even if his hand was forced on both accounts - only served to strengthen Blair's connection to him.

Blair, like Chuck and Dan, is an imperfect character. She's made a lot of suspect decisions this season. Still, it was hard not to feel sympathy tonight when everyone seemed to have it out for her.

Everyone except Dan, who couldn't believe it when she arrived in the loft at the end. Dan (not Humphrey, but Dan) has won the heart of the girl he's longed for, who he never thought would reciprocate.

She's giving him THE look she once gave Chuck, and that kiss was hot, too. Certainly not of the fleeting "I want this but we can't do this" variety. These two are going to full-on maul each other.

Dair. Is. On.

The Princess Bride

- Blair's marriage is over, but the dowry still hangs over B, since she broke her word to her minder and was caught in a scandal 15 minutes after she cut a deal that make little sense to begin with.

This was easily the worst part of the episode. When the writing is this bad, and huge plot points are just undone haphazardly in a few lines of dialogue, it makes it hard to invest in ... well, anything.

I've always loved Georgina, but she was used and abused like a cheap plot device tonight, showing up in exactly the right place at exactly the wrong time to wreak loads of incomprehensible havoc.

Suspension of reality is par for the course while watching CW dramas, but this was way over the top. The plot holes were bigger than the hole smack in the front of her dress ... a classy touch.

There's just no way G could engineered all that. She's like Bonnie on The Vampire Diaries, only at least in Bon-Bon's case, she magically whips up spells. Yes, a witch is more believable than G.

Georgina's still more believable than that Estee chick, however. Seriously, what the heck.

- Anyway, Georgina is off to Monaco, with a promise to have B's dowry waived in exchange for a future "I owe you one" from Queen B, and the contents of her "G.G." laptop mailed off to Serena.

Will S read what's on that machine, and what will she do with it? Will she become the new GG? G-3, if you will? If so, she can only improve upon Phillip's performance. Talk about an epic fail!

- Lola is Serena's half-sister. Or so Carol claimed while demanding he figure out a way to reclaim the inheritance she believes she is entitled to) and the UES just got even more incestuous.

Nate has now hooked up with Serena, her stepsister (Jenny), her fake cousin (ChIvy) and her real cousin slash half-sister (Lola), and of course her BFF Blair. That's quite a feat, even for Nate.

Still, I like Nola together, and know at least one member of our Round Table panel who wouldn't mind seeing Chace Crawford's "I want to talk about feelings face," so I can't bash the guy here.

Serena's Dad is Back

- ChIvy has evicted Lily and Rufus. Geez, that nine-figure inheritance sure went to her head fast. Despite my frequent lampooning of the character, that was a twist that at least gave her some purpose ... and power.

Ballsy move to throw them out like that, Chives. Does she really stand a chance of keeping that money? Was she really Cece's innocent, well-meaning caretaker, or was there something sinister at work?

We were led to believe (mostly by ChIvy herself) that she was just staying with Cece out of the goodness of her heart, but everything she says is untrue by nature, so clearly there's more to this angle.

Between Carol's fake and actual daughters, the family drama ought to be ridiculous going forward. How far will William go to hide paternity? If at all? How will Lily react when that eventually comes out?

It's going to get ugly in any case. Not even Billy Baldwin's smooth-talking raspy voice (despite being an AWOL dad, he's almost charming!) can diffuse what's about to surface in this already fractured family.

Maybe Eric is better off in Zaire, considering the way things are going for the family right now. Even Serena is looking pretty despondent and lost at the moment. And she's the ultimate IT girl!

All in all, it was a pretty crazy episode, one which could've been a lot better, yet provided the requisite OMFG moments and set us up for a fun spring. Hopefully. What do you think will happen next?

Before we turn it over to your comments, as always, here's the Dair sex promo for April 2. It's okay, guys ... late night limo rides notwithstanding, the first time is never as good as you think it will be.

What did you think of this evening's Gossip Girl? Discuss below!

Review

Editor Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.1 / 5.0 (1025 Votes)

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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Dair-for-ever

I love Dair. I hope for them to be end game. But I suspect the writers will, through some convoluted SL, bring Chair back together. I have seen enough of Chair and I am BORED. But I still hold out hope that the writers will let Dair grow and blossom and be stay as one, as beautifully and naturally as they brought them together in the first place...

Dair-for-ever

I usually (usually) comment to show my TOTAL LOVE FOR DAIR...but some Chair fans are truly ****! Get your thought process right please - either you just KNOW Chair is end game and Dair is crap so you're not bothered by Dair...or you think Dair will be end game and therefore Chair is history...or you think Dair are like bro and sis (hah!) and Chair like a fly and a flame...you're beginning to sound like broken records the lot of you. Ok, so you think Chair is end game, right? Then quit your godawful whining! The only ones going annoyingly on and on and on ad nauseum about how crap the show is, should be Dair fans like me since you guys say Chair is end game. If you believe so WhyTF are you sulking about? You should be thrilled right!? Sheesh...some people are waaaay confused!

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I cant wait till Dair ends and Blair stops using Dan as A rebound and Gos back to Chuck. Dair fabs are in deniable and pathetic this relationship will last two mins abd it will be like it never happenef.,cause Dair sucks and is unentertaining

Dair-for-ever

@Gossipgirl1234 "They didnt overcome all this" - all what!? You mean the problems and mess that Chuck constantly brought about on himself, and Blair did too and was worse when she was with Chuck? Overcome what exactly? Chair were a couple ONCE, and NOW they have broken up because Blair is not in love with Chuck. Blair may have started realizing her feelings for Dan but as she said in the previous episode - Chuck does not have her heart anymore...she is not IN love with him. Move on Chair fans. Blair has. "...love the characters as if they were your children"...er...ahem...no comments on that except to say that if you *really* think so, then why do you keep pushing your daughter at a man she no longer wants? Why do you want your son to be with a woman who has fallen out of love with him and moved on to another man? Why? Why? Whhyyyyy?

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@Where's Waldorf So you see what you want to see? They're still step-siblings, they parents are married, and they share a step-brother no matter how much the writers try to ignore that fact. My problem is how his character was handled and Blair's as well, it's poorly handled and they've ruined it. It's not a 1 time incident, it's several: the hotel trade off, Jenny, almost hitting Blair, Blair flat out stomping all over his love, making a ridiculous pact with God, etc. For me, there's a point where it's not completely salvageable because the damage is too severe, the same applies to Dan and Serena and how badly they were botched. Other shows know how to handle on/off, back/forth couples without completely destroying their relationships and their characters.

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@Anonymous
Yeah they are step-siblings, but personally I see them as ex-lovers first.
Yeah Dair really bother me, I just don't like them. When Chuck is romantic it's so much cuter. His whole demeanor changes so it's clear that he's love struck. He does the whole kissing Blair's hand thing in their good moments. He's able to say the most romantic lines and you just know that they come from his heart. Yes he screwed up a lot, but you can't deny that he is a total romantic.

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@Gossipgirl1234 Nothing ends the way you think its gonna end. Just face the fact that CHAIR is over, at least for now and most likely this season. Getting blair to admit her feelings for Chuck again WILL truly ruin her character for good.So get a pair of specs because obviously you are too blind to see the amazing chemistry and relationship that has been building up from episode 4 of season 1.

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@Where's Waldorf Dan and Serena are actually step-siblings thanks to the writers. Do Dan and Blair bother you so much? You're constantly nitpicking everything about them in all of your replies.

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See, I don't think Dan and Blair are going to be together in the end of the show so I'm not worried about the writing or anything. I just don't like watching people who look like brother and sister make out. Blair's tongue is always visible BEFORE she even leans into her kisses with Dan. It grosses me out. I'm sorry, I can try and see how they're "right" for each other but I honestly feel nothing as I watch them kiss except regret that they're doing this to Chuck and Serena.

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@Still Dr.Why Exactly, lol.

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