Criminal Minds Review: All In The (Dysfunctional) Family

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Thanks, Criminal Minds, for making us all suddenly feel like our own families aren't nearly as dysfunctional as we'd previously thought. If you can watch this week's episode without thanking your lucky stars that those people weren't your relatives, well... remind me to never come over to your house for dinner. 

Despite the fact that "A Family Affair" once again revealed to us who the UnSub was very early in the game, for some reason it still felt more interesting than in past weeks. We did get the intrigue of not knowing how Jeffrey became paralyzed (at first I almost thought it was a combat-related injury and he was a veteran - that'll teach me to guess), and we also didn't know his mom covered for his dad in their accident. By the looks of her, I'd have guessed that Mommy Dearest was the one to screw things up. She was one tough cookie - and not in a good way.

Hotch on the Run

First things first, though: Yay Hotch for completing his FBI triathlon! I thought it was so sweet that he introduced Beth to Jack. She seems awfully down to earth, and Hotch seems happier when she's around. Now if only we could get love interests going for Morgan and Reid, we'd be all set. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I feel really badly for prostitutes, when it comes to their television portrayal at least. They're always being picked off for sport killing, and treated like no one will ever miss them or connect the dots. It wasn't until the "sexual surrogate" was killed that they really revved up their investigation and were able to piece things together. If they'd continued picking off the working girls, who knows how long it would've taken them to solve the case? Victim-ology says a lot, so I suppose they needed the deviation.

Things that were funny this week: Reid's, "I've seen an episode of Mr. Belvedere" reference in offering to babysit made me love him even more. If you're too old or too young to get the reference, I'm sorry for you, because it really was gold.

Also, him cheering loudly to make JJ, Prentiss and Garcia's hangovers worse was awesome. Not that hangovers are funny, but these ones kind of were to be honest. I guess JJ should've stuck to drinking those 5 Hour Energy drinks instead of whatever she downed during salsa lessons - eek.   

This season's episodes have become incredibly formulaic lately. It's almost like you can set your watch to when certain things are going to happen. I do love this show, but making it a bit less predictable would be a welcome change. And if they can't swing that, can they at least give us another shirtless Morgan scene? Okay fine, I admit it, I secretly loved every minute, sue me.


Editor Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.4 / 5.0 (107 Votes)

@Michael, omg, children and family should always come first. You can always get another job or work out a roster that fits your family, not the other way around. I hate to be your family, they seem to be dispensable to you. If you're family can't hack your work schedules they can just leave and you'll find a new one. WOW! And Jack is only around 6/7 years old. How many first graders are you aware of that are self-reliant? @Jess, I agree with everything you said. This was sexiest episode. Hotch and JJ are in the same boat especially this week with Will away. But I guess its okay and easy for Hotch to go gallavanting about because he's got his ex sister-in-law as a built-in babysitter.


I had a bad feeling when I heard "Is Hotch dating"? Who cares? Some personal stuff is Ok but when a great crime drama turns to a relationship soap opera I lose interest. Many years ago kids, NYPD went the same way and pretty soon we had to watch a grimy detective getting his crack lovingly soaped in the shower by a woman WAY too good looking for him, instead of solving crimes, the thing we loved him for. Behavior analyze THAT!


Good grief!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sound like you guys are being sexist not the show why is it that a man have to suck at everything we are good at things and woman i know they think their more perfect then God but their not.


@ Kay Sorry you’re right three years between the kids Henry and Jack makes a world of difference such a big age gap. Jack was born in season one and Henry in season four. Leaving a child at the age of six by himself is certainly great parenting on Hotch part. Jack should definitely be self-sufficient by now, I think he ready to leave home and stop being a burden on Hotch so he can go live his life the way he wants to. This show is definitely sexist as they make JJ to be a stupid airhead who can’t managed just because Will gone away for a week that she can’t even mange to organise a babysitter to spend time with her BFF Garcia whilst you have Hotch who teaching his child to self manage and is perceived to be a great role model to his son. How come we never see Hotch struggling to find a babysitter or for that fact even a therapist to help his child come to term will losing his mum and cope with bereavement?


I have a question as to why criminal minds keeps forcing the Beth character down our throats. Morgan had a girlfriend Tamara who lasted about five seconds so why is everyone making a big deal out of Beth. Is it because Hotch is a unsub and enjoys killing, these writers are always making out that anything can set off an unsub the simplest of stress and Haley leaving Hotch serious pissed him off and next minute you know she dead and now all good in the world again. It not like the writers haven't used that as a stressor or maybe Jack going to be the next unsub as the writers have used that storyline last season when a boy dad remarried and he became resentful. So who the unsub Hotch or Jack


I wish people would stop trying to match make on this show, it's a crime drama not 90210. If you want to watch people hooking up together watch a different show. Maybe Tv fanatic needs a shake up with its writers as all this one ever does is talk about who should be sleeping with who and it's getting boring. Either review the crime or don't write anything. The whole team being a family is stupid if they are that close why didn't Rossi, Hotch, Morgan, Emily or Reid just babysit JJ stupid child in the first place and not make such a big deal out of it, who cared if gracia and jj didn't get to go out.


@ Michael No children come first not work especially if they experienced a dramatic and tragic loss of hearing their mother get shot. This show constantly has JJ running around trying to mange both home and work yet these pathetic excuses of a man Hotch walks around with his head in the clouds doing as he pleases. So Haley sister drops everything at Hotch demands, I need to go to work please babysit, I need to do a marathon and train please babysit, I need to go on a date please babysit. So when does he spend time with his son and when did Rossi become his babysitter.


Sexist episode????? REALLY!?!!? Whare are you people getting that from? Come on, this show isn't about an FBI agent raising his son!! It's about him solving cases! It's nice to get snipets of Hotch's home life but every episode doesn't need to address the issue of how he raises his son! And by the way, I have no doubt Hotch takes very good care of his son! OK I need to shut up now .......I'm making this sound real! Now, this was a good episode. Was a bit surprised at the early reveal of the unsub again this week.
I do agree with others that Reid (and Morgan too) needs a social life. I got a laugh out of the girls at the end and their hangovers!
Interested in seeing how Hotch and his lady friend goes.........


@Dorothy How did Hotch do that Jack what 10 Im sure he can take care of himself

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Criminal Minds Season 7 Episode 16 Quotes

Reid: You know more often than not, prostitutes are murdered and dumped in the same area that they work.
Morgan: So then why take the extra time to drive 40 miles outside the city?
Reid: Maybe he's already up there. He picks them up outside town, takes them to a secondary location, kills them and gets ride of the body as fast as possible.
Morgan: Which means he lives nearby, in the suburbs.
Reid: With 76,720 other people.

Prentiss: It could be personal, there's a lot of rage in these kills. Multiple stab wounds.
Rossi: What about sexual violation?
Hotch: No, the ME report says there's not evidence of sexual activity before death.
Garcia: So what's he doing with them?
Hotch: That's what we need to find out.