Survivor Review: Colton Crosses the Line

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What. Just. Happened.

As I’m sure most of you are, I too am struggling to process what I saw on this week’s episode of Survivor. The first thirty minutes were normal, at least by Survivor standards. The craziness started with Alicia taking Kat’s comment personally for no reason whatsoever and devolved in to what will be remembered as either the craziest or worst tribal council in Survivor history.

We’ll come back to Alicia because if we start with her, we’re burying the lead. The problem is, where do you even begin with what happened with the Manono (the men’s tribe for those of you not paying attention) tribe after the immunity challenge?

Leif Takes Aim

Logic would say to go in chronological order, but logic was thrown completely out the window this week, so no sense in doing that, either.  For me the biggest part of the episode was the tribal council itself, even more than the men volunteering to go there when they didn’t have to.  Don’t worry though, we’ll cover that to.

Two weeks ago the entire premise of my review was thanking Kat for being awful at the challenge so we were not subjected to an entire episode of Colton’s whining.  This week Colton got us back.  His out of control and boorish behavior began when we should have been watching the women come to terms with voting Alicia out.

Instead we had to watch a petulant, immature, insecure a-hole hijack Survivor.  For no reason other than simply being immature, Colton refused to listen to Bill when he wanted to talk.  You know who does stuff like that?  My four year old nephew.

Louis CK has a great skit where he talks about what it would be like if adults acted the way toddlers do.  Louis, you can check out this week’s episode of Survivor if you want to see it actually happen.  The only problem here is that the rest of the tribe is somehow too afraid of Colton to stand up to him.

On some level Colton does not HAVE to listen to Bill.  It’s immature, but those are some of the choices we get as adults (and we’re using the terms loosely with Colton).  What he can’t do is be a complete jerk to Bill about it.  Yet, in the context of the game of Survivor, I can forgive the remaining men for letting it slide.  I cannot forgive them if they let tribal council slide.

Colton took his already tired act to a new level at tribal council in a verbal spat with Bill where he lost every point.  Jeff asked him to make his case why he didn’t like Bill and Colton had virtually nothing with substance to back it up with.  Bill, meanwhile, took the high road, said he did not dislike Colton and simply asked him not to judge him.

When Colton suggested his dislike was not racially motivated he embarrassingly substantiated that claim by saying he went to a private, all-white high school and interacts with African-Americans.  Those African-Americans he interacts with?  His parent’s housekeeper.  The women who’s paid to be there and clean up after him.

The coup de grace for me, however, was when Colton attacked Bill’s profession saying it wasn’t a real job and he needed a backup plan.  This nearly brought Bill to tears as he explained that he’s been on his own since he was 17, poor and is chasing his dream.  He doesn’t want a backup plan.

Colton’s lack of perspective is astounding.  As Bill points out, he’s never worked an honest day in his life.  He’s obviously a spoiled college student.  For him to call anyone’s job a joke and challenge their line of employment is laughable.  What would Colton even know about a backup plan?  His is mom and dad.

Just when things were Jeff-Probst-eye-poppingly absurd, Tarzan opened his big, clueless mouth to give us his two cents on what is going on.  Shockingly, Tarzan suggested that Colton was being misrepresented because he was white and people were assuming he disliked Bill because he was black. 

Um, Tarzan (or Greg for normal people), even if that is true (and no one believes it) he’s STILL being a giant asshole.  Anyone with half a brain can see that!

Now we come to what scares me about this episode and this season of Survivor so far: I don’t think Colton will face any retribution for this.  We’re only four episodes in to Survivor and people are already scared to challenge the status quo or whatever ridiculous episode one alliance they put together.

He absolutely should, however.  The start of next episode should be Jonas, Troyzan, Leif, Michael and Jay retuning from tribal council with the oh-my-god-what-the-hell-just-happened-faces on.  Quickly they all should realize they cannot let someone like Colton stay in the game because he obviously does not deserve it. 

Sadly, of course, it’ll take a blindside because Colton has an idol.  They’ll have to figure out how to get rid of him without him knowing it is coming.  Needless to say, I do not have faith we’ll get so lucky.

The same scenario likely would have existed on the women’s side if the men had not done the unthinkable.  Alicia OBVIOUSLY should go home because she’s useless in challenges, completely paranoid and a mouthy bitch.  Her display this week should warrant immediate removal.

But, from the moment Sabrina suggested the obvious Kim quickly hemmed and hawed and suggested Christina go home.  Every time Sabrina suggested a reason why Alicia should go home and Christina should stay, Kim had no answer, but still did not seem willing to budge.  Why?

Fear of going against the grain.  It’s why Kat stayed on this week and why Alicia would have stayed in the game this week.  It’s why even though the men did not have a majority on giving up immunity; they eventually caved because they did not want to be seen as the one challenging the authority.

As for the men giving up immunity under the guise of trying to remove any ‘cancers’ that would fester while they wait for the next tribal council, that’s utterly absurd.  So often we hear this talk from women with men scoffing, wondering why women can’t deal with such adversity. 

It was all garbage made up by Colton because he’s too emotional to see the forest for the trees.  Oh, boo hoo.  You have someone on your tribe you don’t like.  Cry me a freaking river.  Why would you willingly make the game harder for yourself by going to tribal council intentionally?

One thing that became clear to me with Bill’s ouster was that Troyzan, Tarzan, Leif and Jonas were all in on the ploy to get the other guys to go along with giving up immunity just to vote Bill out.  Tarzan oversold his treachery angle with Leif and Leif even oversold his guilt at tribal council.  Leif not defending himself doesn’t make sense until you realize he’s in on the ruse. 

For the first time in 24 seasons I actually find myself annoyed with the show.

I’ve never been one to let a character or two bring down my enjoyment of the game, but I fear what is development.  Characters you can root for like Chelsea and Jay unwilling to stand up to jerks like Colton and Alicia who are boorish because that’s who they are, not to try and win the game (like, say, Russell).  Sad.


Editor Rating: 1.1 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.8 / 5.0 (209 Votes)

lol I think its funny that homosexuality is such a touchy issue everyone who disliskes colton feels the need to stress how they aren't anti gay and that they have gay friends lol guys can we just dislike him for being a dousche without worrying if someone say's were homophobic


That was truly the most unbelievable ep i have ever seen of Survivor. Colton, while I don't jusge him for being gay, is a racist little cunt who needs to be kneed in the fucking head. What an asshole. Farcical. Hopefully he gets thrown somewhere where the sun don't shine when he returns to college.


I hope Colton runs into and his crew the same way Perez Hilton did. Hahahahahahaha.................


Lol Mr Spin! You are so right! I'm not racist or a homophobe, but I would have called Colton any number of gay slurs before I murdered that shit and worn his head as a hat right in front of the cameras! Problem for Bill though is he would be sued and lose a substantial amount of audience as as stand-up comic. So I'm glad he handled it the way he did, or Colton would have won in both Survivor and the real world. What I find even more astonishing is how they didn't vote Colton out. He's going to eat them all for breakfast - the have to be biggest bunch of idiots in the series ever.


Wow, You Seppo Bastards are fucken idiots, worried about a shit show like Survivor, and a little arse licking poofter like Colton! Real world fuckwits, there's blackfellas dyin of aids in africa if they dont starve first and a war on in the middle east, and you think a tv show is more important? get over yourselves and pull those buttplugs out of your arses, and do something helpful. it's easy trend setters, try buying a sandwich (not mcfuckwits, a real opne with meat and salad, and give it to that poor cunt living in the box outside your manhattan apartment. learn to pluck a chicken so the animal libbers stop winging about battery hens and for gods sake grow a pair. Lots of love from down under cocksuckers, Hugh Jackman- I dont just sing and dance, I'm a real man


I found this episode pretty upsetting. I am aware that it is a tv program, but I was incredibly discouraged that Colton could be so dehumanised. The words that leaked out of his body were towards a real person and it constructed a frightening diorama of America. There is this conversation that it is all a game, but aren't we as people asked to be mindful of our humanity? Sadly that was not evident in this situation and value/worth was lost. If you can convince yourself that Bill was not affected by Colton's vitriolic attack, then you don't want to see the shit in your backyard.


Thanks Carly for making me realize how people (not just Americans) allow elitists to run over them. The only thing that evil needs to prosper is for good people to do nothing. I was dumbfounded as to the cruelty that Colton and Alicia showed towards various people especially to Christina. Mean, vindictive, cruel. The other people heard the cruel remarks from the wannabe princess and the "special ed teacher" and did nothing. Can you say BULLIES??? I can't believe that Colton is studying to be a doctor and that Alicia is allowed to teach children......especially special needs children. The cowards around them in the tribe are also guilty by their silence.


I googled "Colton disgrace to the gay community" and I found this. Rightfully so. I am gay and am just appalled by his attitude, behavior and bitchy demeanor.


They look silly having them play act with this boot camp eisunbss. I don't know what kind of style you mean, but I think that AusNTM, CNTM, GNTM and ANTM are all shot and edited better. I just think they go overboard creating artificial situations on this one.


lol wow you're really tankig this to heart so you hate her clearly, she must have hurt you deeply, but she is still a somebody, the fact that you and I and everyone that has seen the show or has seen her work as a model or in other things knows her name makes her a somebody and the fact that she has had a career being her as a modeling and on tv or radio since the age of 19, I would say she has had and is still producing a much longer career that lots of models

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