Survivor Review: Colton Crosses the Line

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What. Just. Happened.

As I’m sure most of you are, I too am struggling to process what I saw on this week’s episode of Survivor. The first thirty minutes were normal, at least by Survivor standards. The craziness started with Alicia taking Kat’s comment personally for no reason whatsoever and devolved in to what will be remembered as either the craziest or worst tribal council in Survivor history.

We’ll come back to Alicia because if we start with her, we’re burying the lead. The problem is, where do you even begin with what happened with the Manono (the men’s tribe for those of you not paying attention) tribe after the immunity challenge?

Leif Takes Aim

Logic would say to go in chronological order, but logic was thrown completely out the window this week, so no sense in doing that, either.  For me the biggest part of the episode was the tribal council itself, even more than the men volunteering to go there when they didn’t have to.  Don’t worry though, we’ll cover that to.

Two weeks ago the entire premise of my review was thanking Kat for being awful at the challenge so we were not subjected to an entire episode of Colton’s whining.  This week Colton got us back.  His out of control and boorish behavior began when we should have been watching the women come to terms with voting Alicia out.

Instead we had to watch a petulant, immature, insecure a-hole hijack Survivor.  For no reason other than simply being immature, Colton refused to listen to Bill when he wanted to talk.  You know who does stuff like that?  My four year old nephew.

Louis CK has a great skit where he talks about what it would be like if adults acted the way toddlers do.  Louis, you can check out this week’s episode of Survivor if you want to see it actually happen.  The only problem here is that the rest of the tribe is somehow too afraid of Colton to stand up to him.

On some level Colton does not HAVE to listen to Bill.  It’s immature, but those are some of the choices we get as adults (and we’re using the terms loosely with Colton).  What he can’t do is be a complete jerk to Bill about it.  Yet, in the context of the game of Survivor, I can forgive the remaining men for letting it slide.  I cannot forgive them if they let tribal council slide.

Colton took his already tired act to a new level at tribal council in a verbal spat with Bill where he lost every point.  Jeff asked him to make his case why he didn’t like Bill and Colton had virtually nothing with substance to back it up with.  Bill, meanwhile, took the high road, said he did not dislike Colton and simply asked him not to judge him.

When Colton suggested his dislike was not racially motivated he embarrassingly substantiated that claim by saying he went to a private, all-white high school and interacts with African-Americans.  Those African-Americans he interacts with?  His parent’s housekeeper.  The women who’s paid to be there and clean up after him.

The coup de grace for me, however, was when Colton attacked Bill’s profession saying it wasn’t a real job and he needed a backup plan.  This nearly brought Bill to tears as he explained that he’s been on his own since he was 17, poor and is chasing his dream.  He doesn’t want a backup plan.

Colton’s lack of perspective is astounding.  As Bill points out, he’s never worked an honest day in his life.  He’s obviously a spoiled college student.  For him to call anyone’s job a joke and challenge their line of employment is laughable.  What would Colton even know about a backup plan?  His is mom and dad.

Just when things were Jeff-Probst-eye-poppingly absurd, Tarzan opened his big, clueless mouth to give us his two cents on what is going on.  Shockingly, Tarzan suggested that Colton was being misrepresented because he was white and people were assuming he disliked Bill because he was black. 

Um, Tarzan (or Greg for normal people), even if that is true (and no one believes it) he’s STILL being a giant asshole.  Anyone with half a brain can see that!

Now we come to what scares me about this episode and this season of Survivor so far: I don’t think Colton will face any retribution for this.  We’re only four episodes in to Survivor and people are already scared to challenge the status quo or whatever ridiculous episode one alliance they put together.

He absolutely should, however.  The start of next episode should be Jonas, Troyzan, Leif, Michael and Jay retuning from tribal council with the oh-my-god-what-the-hell-just-happened-faces on.  Quickly they all should realize they cannot let someone like Colton stay in the game because he obviously does not deserve it. 

Sadly, of course, it’ll take a blindside because Colton has an idol.  They’ll have to figure out how to get rid of him without him knowing it is coming.  Needless to say, I do not have faith we’ll get so lucky.

The same scenario likely would have existed on the women’s side if the men had not done the unthinkable.  Alicia OBVIOUSLY should go home because she’s useless in challenges, completely paranoid and a mouthy bitch.  Her display this week should warrant immediate removal.

But, from the moment Sabrina suggested the obvious Kim quickly hemmed and hawed and suggested Christina go home.  Every time Sabrina suggested a reason why Alicia should go home and Christina should stay, Kim had no answer, but still did not seem willing to budge.  Why?

Fear of going against the grain.  It’s why Kat stayed on this week and why Alicia would have stayed in the game this week.  It’s why even though the men did not have a majority on giving up immunity; they eventually caved because they did not want to be seen as the one challenging the authority.

As for the men giving up immunity under the guise of trying to remove any ‘cancers’ that would fester while they wait for the next tribal council, that’s utterly absurd.  So often we hear this talk from women with men scoffing, wondering why women can’t deal with such adversity. 

It was all garbage made up by Colton because he’s too emotional to see the forest for the trees.  Oh, boo hoo.  You have someone on your tribe you don’t like.  Cry me a freaking river.  Why would you willingly make the game harder for yourself by going to tribal council intentionally?

One thing that became clear to me with Bill’s ouster was that Troyzan, Tarzan, Leif and Jonas were all in on the ploy to get the other guys to go along with giving up immunity just to vote Bill out.  Tarzan oversold his treachery angle with Leif and Leif even oversold his guilt at tribal council.  Leif not defending himself doesn’t make sense until you realize he’s in on the ruse. 

For the first time in 24 seasons I actually find myself annoyed with the show.

I’ve never been one to let a character or two bring down my enjoyment of the game, but I fear what is development.  Characters you can root for like Chelsea and Jay unwilling to stand up to jerks like Colton and Alicia who are boorish because that’s who they are, not to try and win the game (like, say, Russell).  Sad.


Editor Rating: 1.1 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.8 / 5.0 (209 Votes)

I loved watching Jeff's expression when the guys walked in to tribal counsel last night.
Priceless!!! I had to rewind and watch it again.
But what a disappointing episode. Like many other viewers, I have watched all the seasons of survivor and just felt disgusted last night. The racist andother comments are going far beyond strategy. Even Russell didn't use the race card or others... Russell at least was playing the game and had some strategy. Maybe they should fly in Russell to take care of Colton!!!
Is the twist next week breaking apart the tribes? I believe that "the powers to be" see some audience members offended and fear that people like me might quit watching and therefore ratings drop.


Colton has disgusted me do much. He has offended sooo many people: blue and white collar workers alike, any one of any kind of diversity, the list goes on. The Gay/Lesbian community should be outraged by this punk's representation. Just because he's gay does not entitle him to degrade and tear down others. Who does he think he is? I can't believe his tribe mates are listening to this sniveling brat! I hope they are ashamed and embarrassed that they were had by such a brat.


I've been watching Survivor loyally for over a decade, but this crap has me ready to stop. I literally dont like anyone at this point, either for their actions or their refusal to stand up to those taking the actions, and I felt sick watching that episode.


Ogami...that's an excellent point about Bill's vote for Lief. This season is the perfect storm of mob mentality and mob stupidity. In the past, you would have had one guy who said...hey, let's double cross the double crosser. Last night would have been the perfect opportunity to blindside Col(t)on Cancer (i like that, btw.) Someone needs to figure out and soon that the Emperor has no clothes.


I never thought I would allow any guest on Survivor to ruin the show for me but, this guy Colton has done just that. I will not watch the remaining shows. I will take a bad taste in my mouth from his rude,disgusting comments that he made about another man on National TV CBS should remove him(maybe due to sickness or injury)from the show.


EVERYONE!!! GOT TO YOUTUBE LOOK UP KONY 2012 IF you dont want to watch the whole thing skip over half way thats really important stuff BUT SERIOUSLY EVERYONE SUPPORT!!!


Colton was practically kicking Bill in the face and the only response Bill could muster was "Hey dude, what are you doing that for? Please stop." His response should've been, "Hey guys...this Colton is leading our team off a cliff. We should not give up immunity, and we should get rid of this Colon cancer next council." (Wow...I just noticed the pun...COlon/COlton, how appropriate) Bill doesn't deserve to win the game, he was as spineless as the others. I think this is the first season I have seen where there is not a single player I like.


The whole bunch of these guys are bitches who deserve to lose, Bill included. While he suffered a great injustice because of Colton's PMS, don't forget that Bill actually agreed to give up the immunity idol, and actually put down Lief's name instead of Colton's even after there was no doubt that Colton bore unbridled and racist hatred towards Bill. Bill was a team player like all the rest of them...he would've gladly joined the Colton bitch posse if he could, and he too would've bent over for Colton to stay in the game if Colton did not have such an aversion for his skin color. Of course I too couldn't help but feel sorry for Bill getting ripped apart unjustly. But he never had the brains to realize his position was dire and his only chance was try to form a coup against Colton. And on the same token he didn't have the backbone either to oppose Colton's immoral and outrageous behavior, and he was ready to actually give up the team immunity idol if it meant Lief leaving and not himself.


Claire and Keith, I agree


Ditto to Claire and Keith.

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That little munchkin is about to be knocked back to Oz.


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