It's been a long time since I've reviewed an episode of Secret Life and sometimes I forget how bad things have gotten between these so-called friends. "Allies" was here to remind me just how screwed up everything is.

Amy, Ricky and Ben should not be in this rut!
I still cannot believe how badly Amy's decision to get back at Ricky for... what was that again? Setting a date to get married or something silly like that? That so many of the incoming seniors gave up their summers to go to school surprised me. Amy was right, she should be out enjoying herself. She made a really bad decision to go to school, but then she was not alone as the entire senior class joined her.

Why was there even a minor flirtation going on between Amy and Ben? Ben has turned out to be one of the very worst characters on the show. Does being the son of the sausage king really make a stupid, immature boy with stars in his eyes and dreams of romance attractive to every girl in school? I don't buy it now any more than I did when he first sat stupidly in front of the school counselor to say he was in love with the pregnant girl in band who he had never even met.

Ben has two quasi marriages behind him. Both of those women were in love with the same man. You'd think he might want to emulate Ricky in the areas of common sense and responsibility. Ricky was like a dream. He offered to watch Amy's friends' kids after a day at work when he didn't even know they were coming. She has to know how special is, right? Why, for some unknown reason, do her thoughts still linger on Ben?

I don't believe she would ever seriously consider returning to Ben by tossing Ricky aside, but that she even flirts with the idea drives me nuts. When Ben said with a smirk that he was happy he could still make choices in his life, as if Ricky could not, it made me want to smack him silly. Dylan is going to have him spinning in circles in no time.

Whatever happened to virtuous Grace?
Remember the days when Grace wanted all of her friends to wear chastity rings? Ever since she had sex with Jack - and thought through the act she killed her father - every other word out her mouth has been sex. For a show that is supposed to talk about the secrets in teenagers lives, I can't think of one secret that has lasted longer than 30 seconds.

What made Grace think that the next time she slept with Jack he would make a lifetime commitment to her? She showed him more than once that she was incapable of being committed to anyone for longer than it takes paint to dry. I'm glad he was honest with her, and it would be nice to see her think of something other than sex for at least one episode. I'm begging.

Omar pops the question!
Just when Adrian found a relationship she was comfortable with and didn't make her want to run, he asked her to get married. The ink on her divorce papers wasn't even dry! They just celebrated with pizza. If he's as smart as they've made him out to be, he would have never asked her so soon. Of course her first instinct was to flee. Do you think Omar might be the right man for Adrian?

Other stuff to chat about:

• Why wouldn't Amy tell Jacob that Ethan wasn't the best person to pick as his first friend in America?
• Is everyone afraid of being alone? George and Kathleen were sneaking around and making out and she's not even divorced yet. Give it a rest, learn who you are, then get into a relationship.
• Madison and Lauren finally realized nobody else can handle their crap and they're trying to be friends again. Thank goodness.
• I could not believe my ears when Alice told Henry she didn't want to be "a" whore, she wanted to be "his" whore. He just wants to try being friends again. Has Alice really hit rock bottom and feels so alone that she would rather offer herself as a whore than a friend?

Thanks for letting me play along this week, reminding me that the secret is everyone has sex and even more people know and talk about having it every day. The bad news is there is about one Ricky out there per million. Make good choices, not bad ones, at least until the time machine is invented (fingers crossed!).

Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer and critic for TV Fanatic. She's a member of the Critic's Choice Association, enjoys mentoring writers, conversing with cats, and passionately discussing the nuances of television and film with anyone who will listen. Follow her on X and email her here at TV Fanatic.