True Blood Review: What If God Was One of Us

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Russell got "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" off to a good start when he asked if someone should say grace in the opening scene of this week's True Blood.

I was left wanting at the end of this week's episode though, which has not been the case for me this season, despite the many malcontents out there. This is not to say I did not enjoy the hour, I just felt like there were some wasted opportunities taken up by scenes that just didn't seem to fit with the flow of the episode.

Like The Authority standing around the meal of a naked man, let's dig in...

Eric with Nora

While Steve's grace may have flopped in the eyes of Salome, I sure was thankful for one thing: The smoke monster got what it wanted and is out like pleated khakis. Thank Godric!

I was happy to see Terry man up like he did, but only after Arlene came to the rescue of course. She has sort of taken a backseat to other leading ladies this season so I was glad to see her wave her hair back and forth a little. Terry's line to her about how she was the only reason he was going to fight Patrick at all was also a nice moment for the troubled lovers.

Jason and Jess still couldn't see clear to mending their relationship, but maybe after fulfilling his promise to her with regard to Hoyt she will ask him to wipe down the flatbed once again. That is, of course, if Hoyt pulls through. A lot of fans were expecting this week to be Hoyt's last, but his fate along with that of Plump the Racist Dragon was not revealed.

I think it safe to say Luna slapped the taste out of Sweetie's mouth, but did she end up killing her? Sam just dropped the L word on Luna for the first time, but Luna's actions might throw a wrench into things. Not that they will have time to play the feud what with Emma being taken and all. 

I liked that we were reminded of just how bad a guy Russell is this week, despite all his comical lines... but leave the kids alone! First, vampire Bruce Jenner/Nigel is ordering up newborns on Seamless Web and now Russell is stealing were-children and giving them away as pets?!?

Speaking of lap dogs, what was with Alcide? I liked the flashback to his early days, but I felt like the whole drawn out trip to his dad's trailer was a big waste of valuable screen time. I would have preferred more scenes with Tara and Pam instead.

Pam edged out Eric I think in the True Blood quotes department with her lines about the two things she stays away from and how she and Tara aren't Oprah and Gayle just yet. Seeing Pam get tossed off stage by that new sheriff, though, had my blood boiling. Who will set things right? Pam can take care of herself, but who is she to argue with the monarchs? Eric needs to come back ASAP, but thanks to Bill's backstab that won't be happening anytime soon apparently.  

I argued that Bill's actions last Sunday were just part of some master plan, but this week he was singing a different tune. It actually was very reminiscent of Joan Osbourne wasn't it? What if God was one of us? Just a vampire like one of us. Either Bill has gone bye bye or he is seriously deep cover like Fishburne.

Prior to the apparent chosen one betraying him, Eric was on quite a roll with his techie line and sarcastically suggesting he and Bill get back to slaughtering people in the name of God. For my money, however, the snarl he let out upon seeing Salome as the elevator doors opened was the best. It was reminiscent of Chewbacca's growl when Lando opened the door in Cloud City to reveal Darth Vader sitting at the head of the table in The Empire Strikes Back. I love when Eric gets his Viking up. 

We didn't get any closer to discovering what really went down at the murder scene of Sookie's parents this week. Lafayette delivered some classic moments, channeling Oda Mae Brown and sassing the spirits, but no real new information came to light. Hopefully that soup Claude brought Sookie recharges her inner light and she gets back to kicking some supernatural butt next episode. After she washes the pig out of her hair of course. 

I think I'll call it a night right there and open up the chat lines. As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Be sure to check back later this week to read about my interview with Kristin Bauer. You just know that will be fun and juicy!


Editor Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.3 / 5.0 (85 Votes)

Oh yeah, and Best I LOVE YOUs ever from Luna and Sam looool


Highlights of this episode : Lafayette with his FOUL language and sassy attitude ! Pam and pretty much the same as Lafayette lol. Luna and Sam as flies on a wall, or counter. That big fat Sweetie getting slapped by Luna, Sam as Pig, Terry FINALLY getting rid of that Ifrit by killing the other guy, Arlene pointing a gun at the latter's head, Granny's kryptic message, the Fairies showing at Sookies JUST LIKE THAT, Eric trying to put on a coup.
Bill's lost it, FOR SURE ! I get it, the man doesn't know right from wrong no more, but COME ON !!! Can't he tell that the bitch is crazy ! And what's up with her blood? MAde him go nuts !\
And I don't wanna see that sumbitch of new sheriff slapping my Pammy around like that !
Poor Emma, Luna's gonna go MAAAAAAD !!! I felt sad for the Grandma....she couldn't do Shit ! Shoulda known that blood was Russell's ! He lost his Mississippi pack so had to get a new one... Anyways I LOOOVED the episode ! Hope Hoyt makes it... Those fuckers, racists, pigs !


You specifically see "Sweetie" being put into a police car, handcuffed. Luna did not kill her.


i really think bill c. has turned pure evil because when he bit salone's neck in the begining he tried to think of sookie but he saw lilith instead & bill enjoyed drinking lilith's blood.he doesn't want to give up the power & the control bill lost forever his humanity !. the only one that any vampire can trust now is eric n.


Bill clearly hasn't turned that look he gave to the blood on his fingers said it all. He knows Salome is fooling them all. I think he won't fill Eric in Cuz he either doesn't trust him or thought they could be heard. I'm convinced Salome is part fairy. That would explain the hallucinations. When Jason pleaded with hoyt to be OK and called him v Bubba I almost lost it. They need to fix their friendship now that the writers fucked up Jason and jeers


Omg loved this episode! So much going on that I enjoy about this season. I for sure think Bill has lost his mind and joined Lillith and Salome. Although somebody made a great suggestion about him betraying Etic so Saline would know he's on her side for real. As much as I don't like Russell, he makes the show more exciting to watch, he is hilarious! I can't believe he took Emma though! I wonder what Luna and Sam will do to get her back! I sure hope Eric goes and stakes the new goth sherrifs


How can I even process this episode. Im still hung up about how much I hate bill. I ONLY likes bill in the first two seasons, but I've always loved Eric. That growl, OH MY GOD :0 I love you. The whole authority and Lilith is stupid. Im glad the terry storyline is over, which I'm glad they incorporated Lafayette in. The series on a whole is so off guard its getting ridiculous. There are some things I don't mind, like the Tara and Pam storyline. I love it. I will always love Lafayette, so they can do anything with him. To end my little rant, I'll repeat... I HATE bill! Grrrr


First Aid Kit, I agree the religion thing is annoying and the show would be more interesting with vampires unburdened with God and righteousness, however, the show as I have been noticing it, is a satire of our real world... people have been using religion to gain power since the beginning of history and before. Salome is a genius, she wants to have power over vampires and she knows (as Nora explained) that the only thing that can make them deviate from their paths of self motivation and grandeur is by making them "believe in something greater than themselves".... this way Soleme can control vampires under the guise that it is Lilith's will, without worrying that they will try to over power Lilith, since she is God after all. It may seem silly that they would believe... but think of religion in a human context... it has been controlling the masses for at least as long as the written word.


I like how they wrapped up some of the side storylines so now they can focus on the main story with the authority and finding what happened to Sookie's parents. Bill didn't turn evil. Its part of a plan I guarantee it. Hopefully. They're all smart. I wish Nora would go away. Salome is also annoying. Kidnapping Emma was horrible! I couldn't believe that! Season is getting better. Looking forward to the final episodes :)


So I see what is happening I think.... Bill needed Russel's DNA and Russel was gone kidnapping with his new boytoy... so Bill gained Soleme's trust by staging a cou on Eric... although it was all part of the plan all along... we never were actually told the plan before... just that it was dangerous... so actually this is probably part of it... no way Bill has become a religious fanatic, he didnt have a plan before but he realized it was best to go along with them to gain their that he has drank soleme's blood he knows it was what made him hallucinate and is even more confident in his plan with eric.... he is just infiltrating the Lilith cult... and obviously Eric is in on it....they are playing both sides... Eric's betrayal of the clan takes the focus of Bill so he can better infiltrate without suspicion.. genius!!!


True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

Please, I'm a thousand years older than you. Put your baby fangs away before you piss me off.


Should we say grace?


True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Music

  Song Artist
Song First One in the Car The Wallflowers
Song Ain't Life Hell Hank Cochran & Willie Nelson
Song Acrobatica Losers