How ironic. On this episode of Game of Thrones, Podrick Payne was the only character to experience any pleasure.
And while Tyrion's squire got his fill of that emotion, almost everyone else on "Walk of Punishment" suffered through some serious agony, from those crucified for their supposed sins... to those giving birth to a doomed child... to Jaime Lannister, who suddenly has something common with Buster Bluth.
Okay, two somethings. Both also possess hilarious siblings.
But have no illusions over the theme of this installment: nobility does not pay off in the Seven Kingdoms.
Jaime did all he could to save Brienne from defiling, yet paid for it speaking up by losing his hand. Tyrion has continued to try and do what's right in King's Landing, only to now be stuck with books that reveal a massive debt. Dany is looking to avoid innocent bloodshed in her quest for the throne, but is now giving up one of her most prized possessions to take control of an unholy army.
Let's be honest on that one front, though: no way the Mother of Dragons will ever lose one of her children. Come on, Jorah. Give her some credit. There's a plan in place here.
As always, Tyrion was the sole source of humor in an especially disturbing episode. But aside from his creaky chair moving and yearning to learn "copious details" about Pod's free whoremanship, viewers and characters suffered through two near-rapes, the return of Craster and the heartbreak of Catelynn Stark.
While movement up North rivals the non-action beyond The Wall for slowest storyline, the guilt that has poured out of Catelynn over the past two weeks has been effectively overwhelming. Most of us love Game of Thrones for the blood and the action (and the occasional/very frequent nudity), but sometimes a good cry over family members lost - or perceived to be lost - is needed to remind us that a lot more is at stake than power.
But on the positive side, hey… delicious wolf bread!
- Non-readers of the book series (and it's here I must once again remind TV Fanatics that I only review these episodes from the point of view of a television show; please do not spoil storylines for those unfamiliar with George R.R. Martin's work) have no idea who was torturing Theon, but man. It's been enough to almost make me feel bad for the traitor.
- We spent a few more moments with Stannis and... sorry. I just fell asleep from writing his name. He may have the truest claim to the Iron Throne, but Stannis has been a one-dimensional character in love with some annoying mystery woman for far too long. Should I like him? Dislike him? Root for him? Against him? He's been painted with far too thin of a brush so far.
- Bronn referred to Littlefinger as "Lord Twat Beard."
So a rough hour for Jaime Lannister, a fun one for Pod, an educational one for Tyrion, an enlightening one for Brienne, a sad one for Catelynn, an embarrassing one for that archer and an advantageous one for Dany.
What did everyone else think?