It's official: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler really do need to host every awards show ever.
The actresses emceed tonight's Golden Globe Awards and kicked it off with a monologue that referred to Matt Damon as "garbage," the wigs in American Hustle and George Clooney's love life.
Here were our favorite zingers:
Amy: “Matt Damon is here for Behind the Candelabra. Matt, on any other night in another room, you would be a big deal. But tonight, and don’t take this the wrong way, you’re basically a garbage person.”
Tina: “Bradley Cooper is here, star of American Hustle. Interesting trivia: The original title of that movie was Explosion at the Wig Factory.”
Tina: “Matthew McConaughey is here. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45 pounds, or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.’”
Amy: “The Wolf of Wall Street is a big nominee tonight. I really love the film, but some of it was too graphic. I mean, if I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I’d go to one of Jonah Hill’s pool parties.”
Amy: “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.”
And the winner...
Tina: “Gravity is nominated for best film. It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”
GRADE THE MONOLOGUE NOW: