Dr. Evil would have been jealous of Kim Kardashian this week.
The reality star got to be involved with lasers because she wanted some stretch marks removed from her breasts.
Jonathan Cheban somehow got a chance to actually act as a doctor during Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 9 Episode 6, getting as close to Kim's boobs as... well... anyone with a Playboy subscription has.
Kim gets home, cleanly boobed, to find Kendall, Kylie and Kris making plans for the former's 18th birthday: they are on the Six Flags Magic Mountain website.
But a roller coaster ride isn't the number-one thing on Kendall's birthday list: she wants to move away when she turns legal age.
This is a shock to everyone except the producers, who cue up some flashbacks of Kendall playing around the house as a child.
Enter Khloe and Kourtney, who come over and try to talk Kris into a yard sale because, let's face it, they're all hoarders and Kris has approximately 47 peelers lying around the kitchen. That's scarcely even an exaggeration.
Before the yard sale, though, it's off a rented-out Six Flags for Kendall's party. Once there, Kris and Bruce strap in for a ride and a talk: the latter is okay letting Kendall move out, but the former doesn't want to be alone.
After agreeing to let Kendall start looking for places, Khloe remembers: it will soon be Bruce's birthday, too! OOPS!
She whips up a celebration that includes a helicopter cake and a gathering of all friends and loved ones. Even Bruce's 1976 Olympic teammates show up, acting not at all ashamed over what their buddy has become.
Bruce grows emotional, but doesn't have long to shed tears because it's soon time for a yard sale in which all proceeds are going to charity.
Scott stops by dressed as an old man, just because, with the family concluding the event by matching all proceeds and making their own donation.
Which means, darn it, we can't really end this recap by making fun of them.