Archer Review: Meet The Baby

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Over the years, I've come to expect great things from Archer season finales - and Archer Season 5 Episode 13 did not disappoint me at all.  

The twists were all fantastic, and most importantly, we met the newest member of the ISIS team. So let's get right to it... 

Lana: Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abijean.

I freely admit that I did not see that coming. I had no idea that the baby was going to be Sterling's. I now vaguely recall a throwaway mention of Archer having sperm frozen (I think), but it never quite clicked. Quite frankly, I LOVE this development. Archer has a daughter!

A lot of things make more sense now. That's why Lana never left, why she said she couldn't leave him. That's why when Sterling hinted at marrying her to take care of the baby, she lashed out, completely over-protesting. That's why Archer's behavior made her even angrier than it used to. All because he is the father of her child.

Man, is she ever Archer's child. Watching Archer play with her as Lana spoke was unspeakably adorable and when she lifted her little finger, I totally melted. 

This was one of my favorite moments: 

Lana: "Remember when you had cancer?" 
Archer: "Uhh, vaguely." 

It was hilarious and telling all at once. As a cancer survivor, I can tell you that "vaguely" would not be my answer to that question. Archer, needing to protect his manliness, pretended to forget one of the most important events of his life. Only for it to be followed by the new most important event in his life: meeting his daughter, the new person he would need to protect.

I wonder what this will mean for Archer's character. Will having a daughter reform him from his womanizing, narcissistic ways? Will he have more regard for his own mortality? Will the wee baby Seamus make a reappearance? Also, oh my goodness, wait till Cyril finds out...

The CIA twist also surprised me. We finally found out where the cocaine came from: The CIA took Calderon's cocaine as payment for arms and gave it to Malory to sell to monetize it.

Except ISIS turned out to be the worst drug dealers in the history of drug dealers. They lost half and Pam ate the other half. Luckily for them all, Malory is a badass.

If there was ever an episode that endeared Malory to me, this was it. Helping Lana deliver her baby, admitting the truth about Sterling's non-involvement and her pulling a gun on a CIA agent on an aircraft... Malory was on fire; and probably the most cunning, yet most human, we've ever seen her. 

Lastly, everything about Krieger and Ray disarming the bomb was hilarious. 

So next season, Archer: Vice goes back to being Archer. Archer's comments about feeling like being in a coma since he drowned on Archer Season 4 were quite apropos. Now that the show is going back to its old spycraft self, it's almost like this season was a hazy dream.

Except this dream ends with a baby and ISIS getting contract work from the CIA.

What did you all think? Did you see Archer's fatherhood coming? Are you glad ISIS will be back? What do you think it means for next season?

- First Blood: Oh my gosh, this was epic. Cyril gave Rambo's "nothing is over" speech - verbatim!!  Best reference this season, hands down.
- Edmund Burke: Krieger's quote about evil prevailing when good men do nothing.
- Mussolini: Italian dictator.  He was much worse than Cyril.
Robert Newton Peck: the novel A Day No Pigs Would Die involves a delivery scene. Of a cow. Of course Pam would know it.

- Meh, doesn't matter who.
- Yep, we're keeping the slapping.  That last slap after the pause always kills me.
- Callback to Skytanic - Lana's smooth lady parts
- Archer punching Cyril will ALWAYS be funny.


Editor Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.6 / 5.0 (25 Votes)

Didn't know Sterling was the baby's father. My money was on black guy too. Haha... Still not racist


I don't know if I knew Archer was the father all along, or if I just really, *really* wanted him to be... Either way, it's been a week and it still makes me grin every time I think about it. :D


Best episode of the season. I did not know how but I knew Archer was the dad


THe best part about Krieger's Burke quote is that the origin of the quote is widely disputed. Gives some more depth to "doesn't matter who"


Love Archer and glad he is a dad. Now can he and Lana get down and dirty


My prediction for next season is that Krieger is NOT the "original" one, but one of the other clones. I also predict this will be revealed via Krieger's anime wife....

@ Jason E

Nah mate this can't be true, Kreiger remembers installing the Lego sticker/brain chip into Charlenes head and that happened before they left ISIS if my memory doesn't fail me


Absolutely horrible of Lana to use Archer's sperm without his consent.
Let this be a lesson to all men out there. Be extra careful and always stay vigilant!

@ anon

It doesn't hurt somebody to have progeny. You might have some that you were never told about, and your doing fine. Not like they haven't boned,and she's not forcing him to pay or anything. Also, it doesn't matter who.


It totally makes since that Lana named the baby Abigene, which seems to derive from Abiogenesis; which describes how she felt about Archer.


To me its been obvious that archer was the father a long time. Ever since the episode where archer and lana go undercover to a hotel as a married couple, (whilst she was still dating cyril) she kept talking about a big decision she had made/unmade ..


The beautiful babies finger at the end... It was a touching moment to what had to be a hands down hilarious season of ups and downs. Archer is one of the best written shows around and I am sooo excited for next season. On a side note.. very... VERY glad to have ISIS back. Archer doing spy stuff was always the awesome.

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Archer Season 5 Episode 13 Quotes

Baby, what is she saying? Baby? Baby? BABYYYY?


Sterling Archer, I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abigene.