Previously on Glee... you should probably go read those reviews because there’s a lot of stuff. But making fun of Kurt’s stupid neckerchiefs is always fun.
Tonight is Glee Season 5 Episode 19 which means they're just killing time before the finale.
The gossip sites are talking about Rachel skipping her show and she needs to revamp her image. You know who’s good at that? Santana and Angelina Jolie. Rachel attacks some poor woman with a dog in her purse and thinks she has found her cause.
Kurt’s sad face is so sad even Maggie, the crazy old lady who brought by the Peter Pan poster, wants to cheer him up. Turns out she’s some sort of Broadway legend for starring in Helen Keller The Musical (ahahahahaha).
The names Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway pop up in the credits and I shout “WHAT SHOW EVEN IS THIS?!” out loud.
Rachel is trying to Save The Dogs or something. Dude at the rescue organization seems awfully unreliable so I am expecting this to not go smoothly.
Choosing to sing “I’ll Stop The World And Melt With You” to a bunch of dogs seems weird, but it’s nice to see almost everyone together for some random singing. Also awwwwwww puppies.
Rachel and Santana have a plan to get her in the papers involving dog walking and a designer dress. Naming your charity Broadway Bitches might be the best/worst thing ever. Kurt wants to be part of the charity event but gets shot down, which leads to quite a hissy fit about how he can’t catch a break. Dude, you are still going to the fancy-pants performing arts school, right? Give it a semester or two before you freak.
Kurt goes to visit his new old lady friend and watch their show. The retirement home’s Peter Pan literally just died hanging from the ceiling. That’s horrifying. Why is that meant to be a joke?!
Tim Conway and Billy Dee are playing old people. This is depressing. Kurt volunteers to be Peter Pan but the old people want him to audition. He chooses to sing "Memory" from Cats. (Isn't that what it's from? That was the first thing that popped into my head.) I cannot believe we made it FIVE SEASONS without having to hear this song. It is supposed to be a touching moment but all I can think of is Lando Calrissian selling beer.
In case you weren’t SURE I was old, that reference probably solidified it for you.
Sam adopted a dog without telling Mercedes. It was a poor choice. Why doesn’t she just throw him out
What a surprise! Rachel’s photo op with the dogs goes very badly. She ends up being dragged down the street in her designer dress while the dogs bite people. At least she made the papers??
Sam thinks Mercedes will OK with keeping the dog if he’s well trained. He also thinks the dog will be well trained by the time she gets home tonight. Poor pretty, stupid Sam.
The intro for "Werewolves of London" makes my husband start singing Sweet Home Alabama and then that Kid Rock song before he finally realizes they are actually singing the THIRD most famous song with this beat.
Kurt’s Peter Pan rehearsals aren’t going very well. He’s trying to cheer up the old people until he realizes they’re all sort of delusional, especially Maggie.
Mercedes is still mad about the dog, because she sees it as a dog that no one is going to take care of instead of the metaphor Sam wants him to be. If Sam really did take such good care of his family in high school why is he such a flake now? Mercedes is being very reasonable. I think she should be in charge of everyone's decisions on this show.
Wow, Kurt, stop trying to push people into relationships they don’t want to be in. Someone being a terrible, neglectful mother is a legit reason not to want to talk to them as a grown up. People should be allowed to cut family members out of their life if they choose - you are not the Be Nice To Your Mother Police.
Rachel is back to being Awful Rachel by stealing a three legged dog from a child who wants to adopt it. The child’s mother recognizes her and calls her out on EVERYTHING. Despite Santana’s reassurances it was nothing, Rachel can see that maybe - just maybe - she really is awful.
Sidenote: I feel like NOT mentioning how thin Santana looks is harder than just mentioning it now.. I am concerned for her.
Kurt actually makes an amazing Peter Pan. Can we get a real revival on Broadway? I will be there with bells on. Kurt calls to apologize to Rachel for...I dunno, being right that she’s unsupportive? But it turns out she’s in the audience with the rest of the gang to watch. Way to show up, Rach!
TWO sidenotes in one review! Thanks to many years in low budget high school musical theater I know those flying harnesses are super expensive. How this nursing home had the cash is beyond me. I’ll just try to suspend my disbelief. From a flying harness maybe.
Maggie and her daughter make up in a perfectly TV appropriate manner. Then the old people are whisked off to perform for the Broadway Bitches charity event.
Back at the diner, Rachel makes a little speech about taking care of man’s best friend before giving her three-legged-dog to the lady and her kid who she stole them from before. I guess they didn’t have to go to Long Island and no one is going to write a mean gossip column about her anymore?
"Take Me Home Tonight" IS the perfect pet adoption drive song. I mean, unless they’re going to get Sarah McLachlan up in here to make everyone sob their eyes out.
Everyone has an Oprah moment with the homeless pets - You get a dog! And you get a dog! And you get a dog!!! - and Sam and Mercedes give their dog to some dude.
The reporter says the whole event was amazing and she’s sure it’s going to go viral. Because I am sure when the gossip sites write about it NO ONE with link back to the video of Rachel being dragged down the street. Nope. They’d never do that for pageviews.
Next week on Glee: I dunno, some stuff? For almost-the-season-finale it doesn’t seem super exciting. Except Brit is back! Yaaaaaay.
What was the best song on tonight's Glee?