Fratricide! Patricide! Murderous-guy-with-pointy-teeth-icide!
Reign Season 1 Episode 22 ended the show's premiere season with a bang... by loading up on wall-to-wall murders.
Okay, only two of those murders actually happened up close and on camera - and two murders in an hour usually only counts as "light cardio" on Reign.
But what murders these were! Though I was sad that we never quite found the source of Henry's madness (the ghost of his brother, who looked like Mischa Barton in The Sixth Sense?), his death scene was spectacular, particularly Catherine's role in it.
Poor, poor Catherine. That sick bastard was the only person she actually liked, huh?
Catherine's turn on Henry's death bed was pathetic, beautiful and beautifully pathetic - so if you had any qualms about declaring her this show's secret weapon, throw them away now. Girl is amazing.
But what will she - or we - do now that that leather-pants'd maniac is dead? Who's going to keep the body count up around court? Who's going to drop the most seriously unhinged Reign quotes? WHO WILL DON THE PANTS OF LEATHER?
Slightly less amazing was the resolution of the Darkness plot line: after all that trouble, he was just some weirdo in a cloak? What a letdown.
But I am eager to see what will happen to little Pascal. Surely, one can't just forget such an experience...or that Bash killed his father. Surely, there's a reason they're keeping him around (and it's not just to show that Kenna's not a complete jerk).
And then, of course, there was the Hardening of Mary's Heart. Is she seriously going to keep Francis locked out?
Or is this another horrible breach of trust that they'll both forget about in a few hours, like the time Francis locked Mary in the tower?
Oh man, is this kind of stuff like a sex thing for those two? Is that what this is all about? Perverts! (Kidding, kidding, I know it's about people being driven to morally dark places by the demands of power)
But Mary's right - I don't love tough, battle-hardened Mary as much as I loved winsome, idealistic Mary. But since when does winsome rule countries, right? We'd be saluting President Zooey Deschanel right now if it did.
But I do hope that Reign Season 2 doesn't make Mary go completely cold. We've already got one great female royal sociopath in that castle - two might be overkill.
Official Reign FashionWatch: 8/10. Special distinction handed out for Mary's dress with the shoulders cut out, which looks like what you'd wear if you were getting married at Coachella.
What are you going to do with your summer Reign-cation, guys? Do you think this plague is for real? And most importantly:
What will become of Francis and Lola?