Jesus is a fictionalized version of the Biblical Jesus on South Park.  Yeah, supposedly the son of God lives in the small Colorado town of South Park and has his own public access television show, Jesus and Pals.

Jesus Quotes

Stan: Jesus, what happens if someone really wants to die and you kill him?
Jesus: I'm not touching that with a sixty foot pole.
Stan: Goddammit!
Jesus: I heard that.

Caller: Jesus, this is...
Jesus: Martin, from Aspen. Yes, I know.
Caller: How'd you know that?
Jesus: Maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.

South Park Quotes

Cartman: I'll make you eat your parents.
Ms. Choksondik: What did you say?
Cartman: Nothing

Somebody who would have sex with Kyle's mom would have sex with just about anything!

Stephen Stotch