Mort Goldman owns the local pharmacy on Family Guy.  Mort is also the father of Neil Goldman, the AV Club nerd that crushes on Meg at school.  Mort is portrayed as an extremely nerdy Jewish guy.

Mort Goldman Quotes

Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.

Mort: What kind of birdhouse can you build with popsicles, roofies, and a rubber mallet?
Herbert: It's for a rare African bird called "none your business."

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: Spit on me.
(Brian spits on him)
Stewie: (sighs) That's nice. Now tell me I'm scum.
Brian: How will that cool you off?
Stewie: Hmmm?

(Brian and Stewie sitting at table)Brian: So what happened?Stewie: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian...what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like, why can't you just hang out with guys, you know? Just live with someone of your own sex. Just do what you would do with women, but with your buddy, you know? Why don't guys just do that?Brian: They do, it's called being gay.Stewie: Oh, that's what gay is? Oh yeah, I could totally get into that.