Family Guy
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Mort Goldman
Mort Goldman owns the local pharmacy on Family Guy. Mort is also the father of Neil Goldman, the AV Club nerd that crushes on Meg at school. Mort is portrayed as an extremely nerdy Jewish guy.
Mort Goldman Quotes
Lois: Peter, what the hell is that?
Peter: Lois, I'm tired of Mort always mooching off us, so I made a Scarejew.
Lois: Peter, we're not gonna have this in our front yard, it's racist, and for god's sake ya ruined your best suit. Now we're gonna have to get you a new one...
Peter: Shh shhh, Lois, Lois look. (They go inside and Mort comes to the door)
Mort: Hey guys, I just wanted to return your... Oooh! oh my god it's Hitler! He's back, he's back. hurry, protect Jon Stewart. He's out most important Jew.
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Mort: What kind of birdhouse can you build with popsicles, roofies, and a rubber mallet?
Herbert: It's for a rare African bird called "none your business."
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Family Guy Quotes
You know mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!
Stewie
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How the hell am I going to break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's going to blame me!
Peter
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