Reply to PostLetter From Satan to Cast of GG
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So I was just at a bookstore when I picked up this magazine and saw this article. SO FUNNY!
http://www.cbswatchmagazine.com/cbs-daytime/devils-advocate.php
Dear Upper East Side Minions,
Just a quickie letter between economic meltdown and wars to congratulate you on another successful season of pure evil. No matter how hellacious work gets, I never miss watching you on The CW’s Gossip Girl. Like a proud parent, I clap with diabolic glee at each new back stab and blackmail. I mean, really, how could I not love a show that makes vice the latest must-have accessory? To fashion’s wanna-be “It” girl, Little Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen): Congrats on taking your social climbing to new depths by stealing a Valentino dress, lying to your father and ditching school. Unfortunately, your recent attempts to be good are very disappointing (good is never in style!). And here’s a toast to that hell-raiser of a mom, Lily Bass (Kelly Rutherford), whose closet has more skeletons than Hermès bags. Shacking up with old flame Rufus Humphrey (Matthew Settle) weeks after your husband was killed in a car accident? And then lying to Cassingle Casanova about the love child you gave up for adoption years ago? Bra-va! While you’re all deserving of damnation, I think I’m most proud of Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), or as I call you, “Satan’s Little Helper.” Chuck, I knew you were “The One” when you attempted to add date rape to your impressive résumé during the show’s very first episode. It’s been an intoxicating whirlwind of sex, drugs, alcohol and capitalistic greed ever since. “Mourning” your father’s death in an opium den was your highest low point (literally). Dear old Dad may have been disappointed in you, but you’re my pride and joy! (On a “related” note, I was very sorry to see Chuck’s perfectly rotten uncle, Jack Bass (Desmond Harrington), be shipped back to Australia—or was it “down under”—for his dirty deeds. The man was truly a breath of fresh lava-filled air.) Every prince of darkness needs a princess, Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester). You’ve built on past sins to become the wicked WASP of the East. I didn’t think you could outdo yourself after Season 1, when you stripped at a burlesque club and lost your virginity to Chuck in the back of a limo that same night; however, you rose to devilish new lows in Season 2, doing everything from deliberately sabotaging your mother’s fashion show to destroying a new teacher to get into Yale. I’ve even made one of your yummy quotes into a demonic motivational poster: “I swear to God, I will take you down.” Note to the show’s beautiful blondes who pretend to have morals: That yellow glow around your head isn’t a halo. Sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend and “accidentally” killing someone isn’t some pair of Christian Louboutins you can just kick off at the end of the night, Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively). And you, Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), with your gooey frat boy charm. While smoking acres of pot isn’t naughty enough to warrant a lap in the lake of fire, spending your summer in the bed of a married woman is. Even those of you with good intentions own prime real estate in the Underworld. After losing your virginity to Serena on Christmas (nice one!), I thought your fanny pack of sins was spent, Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley). But then you kicked off Season 2 by sucking face with every girl in sight, compromising your internship with a boozehound writer who later fired you, and later sleeping with Serena’s fave ex-teacher. Oh, “Humphrey Dumpty,” there’s hope for you yet! The same goes for your BFF, Vanessa Abrams (Jessica Szohr), one hell of a blackmail artist who’s always in the right corner of the room at the right time—video camera in hand. Before twisting Blair’s arm in Season 2 for “charity” (saving a bar of historic ill repute ... priceless!), you extorted $10,000 from Chuck in Season 1 (giving him a blank tape, no less!). I plan to roll out the “red” carpet at your premiere, V. Cast, as proud as I am of your dark dealings, there is still good left to be undone. I expect you to continue undermining Dan and Nate’s folksy charm and good intentions (this isn’t Little House on the Prairie) and, most importantly, Rufus’ nauseating diet of wholesome, paternal pancakes must be stopped. If I remember right, he once offered his soul to me in exchange for record-industry success (but I went with Trent Reznor instead). I’ll be watching, score card and pitchfork in hand. (Muwahaha!) Hate,Satan
Posted 7/5/2009 4:42:59 PM # -
Grrr...sorry, this site decided NOT to put in the paragraphing! You can read it online if all that text together is too much!
Posted 7/5/2009 4:46:16 PM # -
I LOVE THIS! Thanks so much for posting! Hate,Satan...lmfao!!!!
Posted 7/5/2009 5:02:51 PM # -
"Note to the show’s beautiful blondes who pretend to have morals: That yellow glow around your head isn’t a halo."
Lmao! I love it!
Posted 7/5/2009 5:28:28 PM # -
Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), or as I call you, “Satan’s Little Helper.” ROTFL
I’ll be watching, score card and pitchfork in hand. - Awww... Dear Satan!! We have so much in common... LOL
Posted 7/5/2009 5:46:26 PM # -
Thanks for posting this M.C. I got a great chuckle out of this!
'I swear to God to take you down!' Now Satan's motivational poster. LMFAO!
Posted 7/5/2009 6:54:17 PM # -
That is the funniest thing I have ever read!
Posted 7/5/2009 7:06:09 PM # -
OMG!!!..that was "off the Chain" ROTFLOL
Posted 7/5/2009 8:54:50 PM # -
this is hysterical,thanks for posting. :)
Posted 7/5/2009 8:56:30 PM # -
I spent the entire day on the beach and I came back just now and decided to check the site.
What a wonderful way to wrap up my day. This was pure gold! Thanks for sharing. :)
Posted 7/5/2009 10:01:49 PM #
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Blair: You say I always bet against you. Not this time. I'm all in.
