Get Cable company front desk man: [typing] We just need to find a window of time you'll be home... how about between the hours of six AM and three PM all of November?
Randy: No I can't wait around my house from six AM and three PM all of November!
Get Cable company front desk man: [starts rubbing his nipples again] Ooohhh, you can't? Geez, that's too bad, you need to be home for the technician. Have you thought about switching to DirecTV?
Randy: I can't afford DirecTV.
Get Cable company front desk man: Ooohhh, you can't? Geez, that's terrible, then I guess you'll just have to work within our time windows.
Randy: Stan. Stan! How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?
[naked and at Stan's door after finding out a parental lock has been put on the TV]
Stan: What?
[barely awake in bed]
Randy: What is Minecraft and how do you tame a horse in it?
Stan: You guys don't need to be watching that stuff.
Randy: Oh! Come on! You can't block your parents from watching informative murder porn! What? Ya-you think if we watch shows about married people killing each other all the time we're gonna go out and do it? That's stupid! I'm not going to go out and kill your mom just because I watch Investigative Discovery, Stan. I'd be impossible to clear away all the DNA evidence anyway! Even if I hired someone else to kill her, I'd have to kill that person, too, because 96% of the time that person eventually tells the truth! I thought this through a lot!
