Juliana Monteiro Profile

Member Since: 11/12/2008

Already I from fear hid a love to lose it, already I lost a love for hiding it. Already I held from fear at the hands of somebody, already I had as much fear, to the point of nor feeling my hands. Already I banished people whom she loved of my life, already I repented myself therefore. Already I passed nights crying until catching in sleep, already I was to sleep so happy, to the point of nor obtaining to close the eyes. Already I believed perfect loves, already I discovered that they do not exist. Already I loved people had disappointed who me, already I disappointed people land on water who me. Already I passed hours in the front of the mirror trying to discover who I am, already I had as much certainty of me, to the point of wanting to disappear. Already I lay and I repented myself later, already I said the truth and also I repented myself. Already I dissimulated not to give importance to the people whom it loved, later to cry quiet in mine I sing. Already it smiles crying sadness tears, already I cried in such a way of laughing. Already I believed people who were not valid the penalty, already I left to believe the ones that really were valid. Already I had laugh crises when it could not. Already I broke plates, cups and vases, of anger. Already I felt much lack of somebody, but never it said to it. Already I cried out when it would have to be silent, already I was silent when it would have to cry out. Many times I left of speaking what I think to please ones, other times I spoke what it did not think to magoar others. Already I dissimulated to be what I am not for pleasing ones, already I dissimulated to be what I am not for disliking others. Already I counted to jokes and more jokes without favour, to only see a friend happy. Already I invented histories with happy end to give hope who needed. Already I dreamed excessively, to the point to confuse with the reality… Already I had fear of the dark one, today in dark " I find myself, me below, I am here". Already it falls innumerable times finding that to reerguer it would not go me, already me reergui innumerable times finding that it would not fall more. Already I bound for who did not only want not to bind for who really wanted. Already I ran behind an car, for it to lead even so, who I loved. Already I called for the mother in the way of the night running away from a nightmare. But it still did not appear and was a bigger nightmare. Already I called people next to " friend" e I discovered that they were not… Some people never I needed to call you are welcome and they had been and they will be always special for me. They do not give certain formulas to me, because I do not wait to always make right. It does not show to me what they wait of me, because I go to follow my heart. They do not make me to be what I am not, do not invite me to be equal, because sincerely I am different. I do not know to love for the half, I do not know to live of lies, I do not know to fly with the feet in the soil. I am always same, but with certainty I will not be the same one forever. Taste of the poisons slowest, drinks most bitter, the drugs most powerful, the ideas more insanes, the thoughts most complex, the feelings strongest. I have a voracious appetite and the deliriums wildest. (Clarice Lispector)

 

XOXO.