Alan: Berta, have you seen Charlie?
Berta: He's not in his bed?
Alan: No.
Berta: Passed out on the bathroom floor?
Alan: No.
Berta: Rubbing oil on the volleyball girls?
Jake: No.
Berta: Well, that just leaves the bars, hospitals, and jails. I'll go get the Yellow Pages.

Rating: 5.0 / 5.0 (1 Vote)
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 4 Quotes

Jake: I started algebra.
Alan: Oh, really? How do you like it?
Jake: Eh, I don't get it at all, but the teacher's really hot.
Alan: Really?
Jake: Yeah, she's got some really great racks.
Alan: Um, don't you mean "rack"?
Jake: No, she's got two, and they're ginormous!

Alan: Oh, hey, how was Santa Barbara?
Jake: Santa Barbra? It's Spanish for "city of great racks."