Oh what do you want me to do, Noah, congratulate you on being the useless asshole I always knew you were?

Margaret

Helen: I don't want to divorce you, you asshole!
Noah: You don't?
Helen: No!
Noah: Well what do you want?
Helen: I want you to come home. I miss you. I can't do this alone. I hate my life without you. You know. You know, you used to like me because of how I am, I thought you chose me for the way I am -- you did! You did, you wanted a certain life and I gave that to you. You, you were tired of being poor. You wanted a big family. I could have stopped that, too. I didn't need to have four kids to make up for the wasteland that was my childhood. You never gave me a chance. You never said, 'I'm different now. I want something else.' You just took it all away. But I can change. I can change! And I have been working with Dr. Gunderson two time a week and I have new tools now...
Noah: Stop, stop, stop. It's OK. It's OK. It's gonna be OK. It's gonna be OK. It's OK. You just wiped your snot all over my shirt.
Helen: [chuckles] Do you think that's hot?

Listen, as much as I enjoy spending time with you, I didn't kill Scotty Lockhart. Now, I wish I could help you just so I could stop coming in here, but I told you everything I know about it.

Noah

Harry: It's extraordinary.
Noah: Really?
Harry: Really.

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I always thought that being bipolar meant you couldn't be with people because they'd up and leave you sometime.

Carrie

So you left your kids to go have more kids?

Carrie

I don't think Frannie will remember him, but I'm takin' over dad, and I'll remember for her.

Carrie

Carrie: She walked out on us. What kind of person does that?
Maggie: Well. You.

Somebody jacked Santa's ride.

Santa

Architecture is just art we live in. Why doesn't anybody get that?

Jacob

Cassandra: Mrs. Clause is real?!
Jenkins: Oh, shiny balls, yes!

Christmas is cancelled.

Jenkins
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