Top Rated Quotes (Page 714)

Woodhouse: I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.
Archer: Yeah, like I told you he would, you idiot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: But they were blanks, weren't they?
Archer: Uhhh, only if the back of his skull picked that exact moment to explode outwards.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Woodhouse! What are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uh, sitting down sir.
Archer: What, at the table? Like people?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Cyril: I find your mannish hands disturbing.
Pam: I find them kind of sexy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: Well, what about the ground breaking work that Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS in our Applied Research Division?
Pam: Yeah, tell him about the sex robot.
Malory: Yes, the.. what?
Krieger: I call him Fister Roboto.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You said no dates!
Malory: I said no such thing.
Archer: Well, your mouth did.
Malory: Well, your mouth better get over there and make Torvald happy.
Archer: Um, phrasing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: A non-circumcised Jewish guy, that's not weird to you?
Archer: No. Why would... I mean, I'm not Jewish, and I am circumcised so it can happen the other-
Lana: It doesn't work like that.
Archer: Lana come on. I think we both know it works fine.
Lana: Aw, come on! Not your d**k, dumb ass!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: We need a diversity hire.
Archer: I vote Asian chick!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Oh com 'on, Ruiz was a loose cannon. He played it fast and he played it loose, and in the end he got burned.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You're black...ish.
Lana: Ish!?
Archer: Well what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!
Lana: (sarcastic) Imagine that!!
Archer: You imagine it!
Malory: BOTH OF YOU IMAGINE SHUTTING UP!!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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