Troy: I'm president Obama's nephew
Abed: You never mentioned that before
Troy: I didn't know if I could trust you, but now it's time to tell you everything, starting with we invented the Ferrari

Britta: Did you do all that to me on purpose? That's not a very nice way to treat your friends
Abed: Well, Britta, it isn't called friend business, it's called show business [lights up a cigarette and leaves the room]
Britta: He's smoking!
Jeff: Honey, let him leave the nest

Our first assignment is a documentary, they're like real movies but with ugly people

9/11 was pretty much the 9/11 of the falafel market

Abed: Jeff, I have to make some adjustments to my film, you'll play my father
Jeff: I don't want to be your father
Abed: Perfect, you already know the lines

I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.

Pierce: Abed the Arab? Is that inappropriate?
Abed: Sure.

Abed: This is kinda like Breakfast Club, right?
Pierce: Is there breakfast?

Community Quotes

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.

I need Purell for my brain.