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TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules. And likable leading men... We have you.

Abed [to Jeff]

I'm hoping we can move away from the soap-y relationship-y stuff and into bigger, fast-paced, self-contained escapades.

Troy: I think I got half of it, which got me through the half I didn't.
Abed: Like the first season of The Wire.

Come with me if you don't wanna get paint on you.

To be blunt, Jeff and Britta is no Ross and Rachel. Your chemistry and sexual tension are putting us all on edge, which is ironically, and hear this on every level, you're keeping us from being friends.

Henry David Thoreau Diet Squirt.

Abed [on his porn name]

Abed: He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.

Dean: Do you know who might have stolen a box of hair nets from the kitchen?
Abed: Someone with hair.
Dean: I'm gonna write that down.

Abed: Do you know why I'm here?
Jeff: You got caught with a fake bachelor degrees by the way, they started using that as a mid season arc on Law and Order. Total rip off.

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