Abed: He still assumes I'm a terrorist.
Pierce: If you're not, I'm sorry. If you are, I'm a hero. I'm willing to take that chance.
Dean: Do you know who might have stolen a box of hair nets from the kitchen?
Abed: Someone with hair.
Dean: I'm gonna write that down.
Abed: Do you know why I'm here?
Jeff: You got caught with a fake bachelor degrees by the way, they started using that as a mid season arc on Law and Order. Total rip off.
Pierce: abed, Your social skills aren't exactly streets ahead, know what I mean?
Abed: I don't.
Jeff. you're not alone in this case. Pierce, stop trying to coin the phrase, streets ahead
Pierce: Trying? Coined and minted.
The minute before you thought about busting us, that was the minute you had chicken in your hands.
His dreadlocks remind me of the Predator, which is weird because you're doing the actual hunting, and you seem invisible to him.
Annie: I want to be security.
Shirley: Let's do it together, we can be partners.
Abed: That's a buddy cop movie I would watch. Which one of you would be the by-the-books cop and which of you would be the bad ass?
Shirley: Oh, Abed, you're so silly. I'd be the bad ass.
Abed: I hate when they finish each other's...
Troy: Abed, what are you doing?
Abed: Being myself.
Troy: Go be yourself by Jenny.
Abed: I wouldn't go over there.
Pierce: How do you know that?
Abed: A lifetime of observation mostly.
Abed: Do you like Britta?
Jeff: Sure, who doesn't?
Abed: Over half the people that meet her.
The kid's gonna be a star, he's a young "the asian guy from Lost."
One Papa John's commercial and he thinks he's Christian Bale.