Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCAgent Phil Coulson Quotes
Deke [asking for love advice]: Like, you got a good thing going.
Mack: Don’t look at me! Last time I saw Yo-Yo, she lied to me, locked me up, and ran off.
Deke: Coulson?
Coulson: Sorry, bro. Apparently I’m incapable of expressing my feelings or letting people take care of me.
Deke: Well, you guys are useless. It’s lemons, then.
Coulson: Maybe I’m reckless. But if this *is* the end, better to go out doing something that matters.
May: No. You don’t get to make that decision alone. That decision is made with the people who love you!
Coulson: May!
May: And that’s me! *I* love you.
Coulson: [speechless]
May: I thought that would shut you up.
Talbot [regarding Deke]: So, this kid’s from the future?
Coulson: Yeah. And in that future, Earth is gone and the last of humanity is enslaved by alien overlords.
Talbot: Alien… over… I should’ve stayed in my cell. You’re telling me that we got our asses handed to us by little green men?
Coulson: They were big. And blue.
Talbot: I was trying to hold out, Phil. Where were you?
Coulson: We were in the future.
Talbot [laughs incredulously]: You were in the future? What, you guys live is some fifth-dimension *freak show*?
Coulson: I’d say that’s a relatively accurate description of our day-to-day life.
General Hale. I know you’re bummed the whole ‘team-up’ thing isn’t gonna happen. But it still seems kinda petty taking away my cot. My chair. And my Captain Crunch. That last one really hurt. And you’re gonna destroy the Earth, so…
You can tell the general there’s nothing she can do to me to make me join her Evil League of Evil.
Coulson: Glenn, I know we’re under a bit of strain here, but I’m gonna need you to use your *inside* voice.
Talbot [still speaking loudly]: This *is* my inside voice!
Coulson: Okay, then your *softer* inside voice.
Of all the blindfolds I’ve forcibly worn, that was one of the nicest.
Coulson: Not my first rodeo, so I might’ve already figured out a *little* about what’s going on here. You’ve got the gravitonium and the total disregard for human safety, check. You’ve got Ivan Drago and Crusher Creel on the payroll, check! And then there’s you, rogue general operating with zero oversight. Add it all up, it just doesn’t feel like an Air Force operation.
Hale: It’s not. It’s Hydra.
Coulson: I thought we stomped you out.
Hale: Yes. Just as you were stomped out. And yet, here we are in the same room. I’d like to tell you my story. And then you’ll know it’s time.
Coulson: Time for what?
Hale: It’s time for SHIELD and Hydra to finally unite.
Coulson: Bad idea.
Hale: You don’t even know what it does.
Coulson: I don’t need to. It’s got that weird alien writing on the side.
The idea is to put your ninja daughter into that chamber?! This is gonna be a long conversation. Cap was selected for his *heart*, not cutting off hands.
Coulson: Hey, Mack Hammer... Can't touch this.
Mack: Now's not the time.
Coulson: Sorry. Couldn't resist.
