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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: I won't allow you to hurt my best friend.
Rose: Calm down, you finally found a friend, do not screw it up.

Walden: I am tired of dating crazy, cheating, greedy, gold-digging bitches.
Alan: Sigh, without them, I would not have gotten laid.
Walden: And there will be no reality TV stars.

Alan: Hello Rose, I can't believe you have the guts to show up here.
Rose: I can't believe that you have the guts to still live here.

Alan: Is that a leaf-blower?
Rose: That is not what they call it in Amsterdam.

I like you in that red dress, I fell like a bull and I just want to charge.

Alan: You know how old she is.?
Walden: 18 or 19.
Alan: Well, you might lose a friend but you are not going to jail.

See, this is why communication is important in a relationship. Two minutes ago, I did not care if you lived or died, but right now..? I love you as no man as ever loved a woman.

You complete me; add another chick and I will complete myself.

Berta: Seems like this house haunted; by an old spirit that does not just want to move.
Alan: Hey , you are not blaming this on me, okay?

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