Alan Harper Quotes (Page 7)
Season 9, Episode 9: "A Fishbowl Full Of Glass Eyes"
Alan: In the dating game, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If superman was a vagina.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 9, Episode 8: "Frodo's Headshots"
Alan: It wasn't a nut house, it was a stress clinic.
Jake: What's the difference?
Alan: About $2500 / week.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Alan: Oh thank god I'm still in a looney bin.
Gary Busey: It's a stress clinic.
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Alan: I'm soaking wet and i had to give a truck driver half a handy to get here.
• Rating: 3.7 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 7: "Thank You For The Intercourse"
Alan: I'll give you a hint, I didn't do the dog people style.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Jake: Uncle Charlie never treated me like a stupid kid.
Alan: That's nice.
Jake: He treated me more like a stupid person.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Walden: We're talk songs, thongs, bongs and schlongs.
Alan: If he had an autobiography, that'd be the title.
• Rating: 4.4 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 6: "Those Fancy Japanese Toilets"
Walden: I'm not going sleep with your mother.
Alan: If I had a dime for every time i heard that, I'd have have $3.60. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it's 36 times.
• Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
Alan: It's a miracle I'm not a transexual on Dancing With the Stars.
• Rating: 2.0 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 6: "The Squat and Hover"
Alan: Does she have a magic vagina?
Walden: Like can you pull a rabbit out of it?
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 710