Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.

It's obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It's like accountants who buy are Harley.

How surprised should we be? I mean he's basically a hyperactive toddler who just wants to play all the time.

Okay you need to calm down. This college tour, not Oprah's favorite things.

Claire: Check this out, a reflecting pond.
Alex: Great maybe you can see how crazy you’re being right now.

Haley: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Alex: Classy start to a classy life.

Mitchell: You know I'm surprised this particular foursome doesn't hang out more, considering...
Alex: We're the cultured ones in this family?

Ew it's so sad when parents try. My mom double pierced one of her ears and I'm like "Hello! You're 50."

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?

Should you be more worried that Haley has a nurse's uniform in her closet?

Alex: Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me?
Haley: Hey mom found somebody!

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