Luke: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Alex: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

Wait, I just thought of something! I’m going to be the first woman in my family not to get pregnant and drop out of college.

Alex: I know all you had to do to get into their college was like their Facebook page, but this is Princeton. I have to show them that I'm a serious thinker. And you could be a bit more supportive.
Haley: You're right I'm sorry. Your outfit's perfect.
Alex: Thanks.
Haley: If you're applying to lumberjack school. And majoring in having your cats eat you when you die.

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.

It's obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It's like accountants who buy are Harley.

How surprised should we be? I mean he's basically a hyperactive toddler who just wants to play all the time.

Okay you need to calm down. This college tour, not Oprah's favorite things.

Claire: Check this out, a reflecting pond.
Alex: Great maybe you can see how crazy you’re being right now.

Haley: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Alex: Classy start to a classy life.

Mitchell: You know I'm surprised this particular foursome doesn't hang out more, considering...
Alex: We're the cultured ones in this family?

Ew it's so sad when parents try. My mom double pierced one of her ears and I'm like "Hello! You're 50."