As an actual glasses wearer, I find it offensive.

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

You're not going to drive me into a bad neighborhood to show me how lucky I am, are you?

Luke: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Alex: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

Wait, I just thought of something! I’m going to be the first woman in my family not to get pregnant and drop out of college.

Alex: I know all you had to do to get into their college was like their Facebook page, but this is Princeton. I have to show them that I'm a serious thinker. And you could be a bit more supportive.
Haley: You're right I'm sorry. Your outfit's perfect.
Alex: Thanks.
Haley: If you're applying to lumberjack school. And majoring in having your cats eat you when you die.

Alex: Sex is confusing for young people and she doesn't need to learn about it from two fuzz staches who barely know anything themselves!
Luke: Excuse me, you might want to check my browser history. I've done some research.

Lily: Are you a nerd?
Alex: No. Why would you ask me that?
Lily: It's friday night and you're doing homework.

It's obvious mom, you use Halloween as a way to show people you have edge. It's like accountants who buy are Harley.

How surprised should we be? I mean he's basically a hyperactive toddler who just wants to play all the time.

Okay you need to calm down. This college tour, not Oprah's favorite things.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy