Haley: Went to college at a place called MIT.
Alex: M.I.T.
Haley: I know how to spell it.

Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

What converts this conversation into over?

It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Kenny: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny.
Alex: And I'm disgusted.

Alex: Hey are you sure you don't wanna play The Hunger Games with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game, why do you think I'm so mean to you?

There's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mugshots were cut.

You're just mad because now you can't parade me around like some show pony. Oh don't deny it you bought the two day cushion.

Haley: What is this a solar system?
Alex: They're molecules.
Haley: No they're nerdy balls.

Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil