Alex: She said I was just like her.
Haley: Was she weirdly competitive

Haley: Oh yeah she can wear whatever she wants after I've had it for six months.
Alex: Or I get it automatically if you buy anything that looks like it.

Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.

Haley: Went to college at a place called MIT.
Alex: M.I.T.
Haley: I know how to spell it.

Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

What converts this conversation into over?

It's like scrabble with Haley. After awhile you're just playing against yourself.

Alex: You maybe wanna take a shift carrying this dry ice?
Gloria: No I just had a baby.
Alex: I watched you carry Manny to bed.

Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Kenny: Hey I don't think we've met I'm Kenny.
Alex: And I'm disgusted.

Alex: Hey are you sure you don't wanna play The Hunger Games with all of us?
Haley: My whole life is a hunger game, why do you think I'm so mean to you?

There's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mugshots were cut.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell