Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

Claire: It's shaving time, shavy gravy, Shaved by the Bell!
Alex: Why are you talking like dad?

This family needs a dumbass-ectomy.

Haley: Oh my God, what is that outfit? Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda.
Alex: Isn't there a fraternity you need to pass out in?

Haley: Don't dork up our room.
Alex: Don't slut up your college.

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

I'm basically his beard...pre-beard...stubble.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.

This will all be over in 90 seconds. Hold you poses, I really want to impress Mister Gorgeous.

Haley: This is just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans.
Alex: Woudn't or couldn't?
Phil: Hey I looked hot!

You know what I'll never forget, the time my dad spent an entire day trying to create a special memory for me. Or when a pregnant lady slipped in my vomit.