Haley: Don't dork up our room.
Alex: Don't slut up your college.

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

I'm basically his beard...pre-beard...stubble.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.

This will all be over in 90 seconds. Hold you poses, I really want to impress Mister Gorgeous.

Haley: This is just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans.
Alex: Woudn't or couldn't?
Phil: Hey I looked hot!

You know what I'll never forget, the time my dad spent an entire day trying to create a special memory for me. Or when a pregnant lady slipped in my vomit.

Alex: Dear Miss Dunphy, we regret to inform you...
Haley: What? Don't leave me hanging!

Claire: Hey how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
Haley: I didn't know you were on Facebook.
Alex: Yeah you said it was only for teenagers or people who wanted to have affairs.

The only stage you're going to be jumping to will have a pole on it!

I think somebody has a man crush.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said