There's not one embarrassing photo of Haley. Even her mugshots were cut.

You're just mad because now you can't parade me around like some show pony. Oh don't deny it you bought the two day cushion.

Haley: What is this a solar system?
Alex: They're molecules.
Haley: No they're nerdy balls.

Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

Claire: It's shaving time, shavy gravy, Shaved by the Bell!
Alex: Why are you talking like dad?

This family needs a dumbass-ectomy.

Haley: Oh my God, what is that outfit? Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda.
Alex: Isn't there a fraternity you need to pass out in?

Haley: Don't dork up our room.
Alex: Don't slut up your college.

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

I'm basically his beard...pre-beard...stubble.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.

Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.