Mitch: Allison just gave you her most precious gift
Gary: Her gift was a lot more precious two kids ago
Allison: Yeah? You still unwrapped it like a drunk monkey

Allison [about riding a dirt bike]: Get on there, what's the worst that could happen?
Tom: I dunno, having to learn to type with a pencil taped to my head?

Taylor [to Allison]: You look like you've lost 190 pounds
Allison: What?
Taylor [about Gary]: I'm talking about this guy over here!

Tom: mom, they have a hamburger that costs $23
Allison: oh
Gary: does it come with a picture of the chef laughing at you?

Walter: Are you aware that tom just left the house with a grown woman?
Allison: oh uh.. she's fifteen, Walter
Walter: Was she sent from some island to protect mankind?

Allison: I have to deposit these; can you stop writing "this is a holdup" on the memo line?
Gary: Come on, it got you on the news!

Gary: What are you talking about? I put everything they had into their backpacks, what did I forget?
Allison: Their backpacks!

Allison: I got a speeding ticket on the way over here.
Gary: You got a speeding ticket? What happened, couldn't your two lady friends get you out of it?!
Allison: Gary, I'm not going to sink to that level.
Gary: Why not? They have!

Allison: Have you noticed that Tommy's afraid of girls?
Gary: He should be afraid of girls. They pretend to like you and then take all your stuff

Allison [about their marriage counselor]: He makes me feel young.
Gary: Of course he does, he's 80!

Allison: You know how I felt the first time he held his arms around me?
Gary: Were you helping him in or out of the tub?

Allison: Why don't you throw a punch?
Gary: I'm trying but she's not where I'm punching!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

Gary Unmarried Quotes

Louise: Thank you dad, you restored my faith in men
Allison: What'd he do? Wear pants to go get the mail?

Ms. St James: If we're going on a date you should call me erica
Gary: But can I call you ms St James on the date cause that's kinda hot?

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