Andrew Van de Kamp Quotes
Bree: Who is this victim number one?
Andrew: Mr. Solis - After all, I sort of did kill his mom.
Bree: A woman felt desperate and alone and killed herself because nobody cared enough to help her, and the thing is - I was there. I saw that something was wrong, and I walked away and I am never going to let myself do that again and certainly not with you.
Andrew: Alex left me. I guess he just got sick of living with a drunk. What did I do? I wrecked my marriage.
Bree: Look, it's going to get better. I promise you it's going to get better. But for that to start, you need to go to a meeting.
Andrew: I can't get up in front of a bunch of strangers and talk about this.
Bree: Then, we can have a meeting right here. Just the two of us - what do you say?
Andrew: So he is a fat loser, who do you expect to get for $8.50 an hour?
Lynette: Well, that's what we pay you and you seem happy enough.
Andrew: That's because I'm doing the beer delivery guy.
Lynette: Oh... okay... my fault for asking...
Gabrielle: Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry. I'm afraid Mr. Lang has to take an important meeting in his limo...now.
(She grabs his arm and drags him off to the limo. He gets inside with Gabrielle close behind. He loosens his tie as she begins taking off her clothing.)
Victor: To the radio station, Clyde. So what's this all about?
Gabrielle: Your speech--I liked it.
Victor: Seriously, here? Now?
Gabrielle: Well, you laid out all your positions. Don't you want to get acquainted with mine?
Victor: Clyde, could you put up the partition, please?
Clyde: Yes, sir. Anything else?
Gabrielle: Music. Loud music.
Orson: The hotel number is on the fridge in case there's a problem.
Andrew: Actually, we kind of already have a problem.
Orson: I'm already late for my flight, can this problem wait a few weeks till we're back?
Andrew: Yes, it can wait a few weeks. I mean, heck, this can wait... nine months.
Orson: (looks at Danielle, who looks worried)Oh, Lord.
Lynette: I told you I wanted this floor to sparkle like your mom's. Now does this floor look Bree Hodge clean to you?
Andrew: Uh... no. It looks Andrew Van de Kamp clean. But your disappointment in me is very Bree Hodge.
Lynette: (to Andrew) Aren't you supposed to be working?Andrew: Aren't you supposed to not be here?Lynette: Touch.
Austin's not gay. Not even after three beers...Don't ask.
Danielle: (to Bree) When are you going to take me seriously?!
Bree: When you start acting like an adult.
Andrew: She sleeps with them, that's a start.
Bree: Now what were you going to say?
Andrew: Well, um...Danielle is upstairs trying to commit suicide.
(Bree questions Andrew with a look, then rushes upstairs with Orson)
Andrew: No rush...she isn't trying that hard!
Bree: Is my daughter alright?
Doctor: She'll be fine. The wounds are very superficial.
Andrew: (smirks) So is the patient.
Doctor: She's resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She said she only took three sedatives.
Andrew: She's disorientated, pump her.
Bree: Andrew, (Bree looks at doctor) Pump her.
Bree: They're sticking a tube down her throat. Do you still think this is funny?
Andrew: Mom this was a half ass bid for attention.
Bree: This was a cry for help and if we don't listen, the next time she could do something even more dangerous.
Andrew: (smirks) Yeah next time she might jump off the porch.