Andy Bernard Quotes
Andy: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
Phyllis: Andy, he's gone.
Andy: I know.
Phyllis: You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
- Permalink: The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark da...
Michael: I'm starting my own paper company.
Andy: No way!?
Andy: In this climate?
Michael: Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in.
Andy: Ehh... well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm... Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that?
Dwight: Your own paper company.
Michael: Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so
Michael: Potential, lots of potential. yes.
Dwight: What a courageous venture.
Michael: It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um...
Dwight: Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities...
Michael: That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing.
Dwight: Okay. So yeah.
Michael: So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now.
Dwight: You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
- Permalink: I'm starting my own paper company. No way!? Yeah. In this ...
Michael: Oh! Hey. What is this about?
Andy: Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it's a farewell...
Andy: I hope I get to work with you someday again.
Michael: Me too, me too. Is this wine?
Andy: Ah... busted. Yes.
Michael: I already have wine.
- Permalink: Oh! Hey. What is this about? Um, you know, cause your leaving ...
Stanley: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
Michael: I have a job.
Andy: For four more days.
Pam: Do you have any leads on a job?
Michael: Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
Jim: You called any headhunters?
Michael: Any good headhunter knows I am available.
- Permalink: Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make s...
Charles: I will walk away.
Michael: I'm gonna walk away.
Andy: Stop doing that!
Michael: I'm kidding around, wow! Relax, everybody, it's just a joke. It's fine. Boy, so touchy. PPC, let's continue our morning meeting in the conference room.
- Permalink: I will walk away. I'm gonna walk away. Stop doing that! I'...
Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy]
Michael: There you go! Where's the other?
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
- Permalink: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of...
[Jim, Andy and Pam all talking over each other] ...turn into this black and carbon brick-where this barbeque sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that.
- Permalink: ...turn into this black and carbon brick-where this barbeque sau...
Kevin: You guys are throwing a lot at me.
Jim: All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.
Pam: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim: No, that is what I mean.
Pam: [to Jim] Shush. [to Kevin] Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic.
Kevin: [puts hand on Jim's hand] Like that?
Jim: No, stop it.
Andy: Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her.
- Permalink: You guys are throwing a lot at me. All I'm saying is that it's...
Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.
- Permalink: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire o...
Kevin: I think I should call her.
Andy: No! No! No!
Kevin: Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Andy: [sighs] You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Kevin: But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy: Well that's not what we agreed on.
Jim: What are you doing?
Jim: [to Kevin] Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Pam: You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Andy: You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Jim: What power?
- Permalink: I think I should call her. No! No! No! Why is it so bad for ...
Michael: I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. [Jim raises hand] Umm hmm.
Jim: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --
Michael: Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.'
Jim: 'Free paper.'
Michael: No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon.
Andy: Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this...
Michael: No, you don't. No, it - [sighs] What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right?
- Permalink: I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as ma...
[Andy leans in to kiss Julia]
Julia: Whoa. What the hell?
Andy: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh I, I thought we had this energy. And I'm a mess. And I just had my heart broken. And you came in today and your so pretty. You're, like, incredibly pretty.
Julia: I just got out of a relationship too. It's really hard.
Andy: Yeah, right? Wow. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Go to a mall of something? Just walk around?
Julia: No, I, I don't think so.
- Permalink: Whoa. What the hell? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh I, I thought...
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.Andy
- Permalink: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days befor...
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.Michael
- Permalink: Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sin...