Andy Bernard Quotes
Pam: You were way meaner to me than I was to you.
Andy: No I wasn't, okay? The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler jelly sandwich.
- Permalink: You were way meaner to me than I was to you. No I wasn't, okay...
Pam: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology.
Michael: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
Pam: Don't call my mother your lover!
Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Andy: That is not okay dude.
Michael: Okay, in my defense...
Creed: That's messed up man.
Pam: Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell!
Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries, Michael.
- Permalink: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology. For...
Andy: What happened in there?
Michael: Nothing. Other than once again I am thankful that I am a paper salesman.
Dwight: Did he threaten you?
Michael: No Dwight, not everything is a threat.
Andy: Mobsters are!
Michael: There is no such thing as monsters.
Andy: He drives an SUV.
Dwight: I knew it! More trunk-space. Or should I say corpse space.
- Permalink: What happened in there? Nothing. Other than once again I am th...
Andy: What do you think?
Dwight: I think you're right. Definitely looks suspicious. And his Southern Italian heritage raises some flags.
- Permalink: What do you think? I think you're right. Definitely looks susp...
[to woman] So your car's totaled. Uh. You should probably wanna get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it he's great but uh ... I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles.
- Permalink: So your car's totaled. Uh. You should probably wanna get a refun...
Michael: What topics, can you use for small talk?
Andy: Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews-
Michael: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Meredith: The weekend.
Michael: Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker."
- Permalink: What topics, can you use for small talk? Golf, stock market, D...
Dwight: Do you know how to use that?
Andy: To change tires? No. But it's metal. I can hit somebody with it.
- Permalink: Do you know how to use that? To change tires? No. But it's met...
Pam: Andy, did I dream you were crying through the night?
Andy: No, that was real.
- Permalink: Andy, did I dream you were crying through the night? No, that ...
Every little bump on the road is major pain on my scrotum.
- Permalink: Every little bump on the road is major pain on my scrotum.