The Office

Andy Bernard Quotes (Page 18)

Andy: So it's called the Shangri-La Tent. It's two stories, heated and has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet. It's just really simple, really tasteful.
Angela: I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo.
Andy: Hobos live in trains.
Angela: Nana Mimi can't be in canvas that long.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Andy: I found the best tentist on the east coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. I got him!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Andy: I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight: Where did you get those?
Andy: What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.
Andy: Well you will. Soon as you visit ... my new beet farm.
 • Rating: Unrated

[Dwight has hung a large Cornell banner from the ceiling]
Andy: Take that down.
Dwight: Excuse me?
Andy: Take. That. Down.
Meredith: You know I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice. They gave me a ride home.
Andy: I seriously doubt that anyone from Cornell dated you.
Creed: It's pronounced Ker-nell. It's the highest rank in the military.
Andy: It's pronounced "Corn-ell!" It's the highest rank in the Ivy League!
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: [dressed as a kitten] Meow. Sweet 'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be?
Jim: Dave.
Andy: Cool.
Jim: You are? A cat?
Andy: We were looking for "kitten."
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Creed: Ugh.
Stanley: I'm done.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Holly: Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
Andy: No way, lady.
Kevin: It's a trap.
Holly: Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training.
Meredith: Don't sign anything.
Michael: Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you.
Stanley: It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-
Angela: What?
Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her a brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
 • Rating: Unrated

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