Did she scream? Was there blood?

(to Nancy) What's the destination boss?

I know all the best rehab centers. I'm totally addicted to that show Intervention.

Andy: What is the glue that holds your relationship together?
Nancy: I don't even need the choices on this one. I'm gonna say Elmer's.

Andy: If you don't cum, the terrorists win.
Audra: We can't have that.

Nancy: I think I'm happy for you.
Andy: I think I'm happy for you, too.

Nancy: Why is the bed moving?
Andy: There must be an earthquake.
Nancy: Are you jerking off?!?

Andy [about Audra]: She likes me
Gale: She's gonna burn in hell for all eternity
Andy: Well I'd rather laugh with the sinners, Gale
Gale: For now...

Andy: Esteban seems like the type to just throw you on the table and f-ck you.
Nancy: That works, too.
Andy: See, we'd never have worked. I'm not rape-y enough for you.

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