Favorite Andy Dwyer Quotes
Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.
Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?
April: I love you.
Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesome sauce!
April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.
I definitely have more lions than any other country in the whole world right now.
Andy: Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most insane burritos.
Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.
Andy: No no no. Trust me. They have one that's called the meat tornado. Literally killed a guy last year.
Ron: You had me at meat tornado.
Where's all the faces of the presidents?
April! Hey, it's me. Andy... Dwyer. Uh, this is like the 200th time I've left you a message without a response, so if you're trying to tell me something, I do not know what it is because you won't call me back.
The band has had a few different names over the years. When we started we were Teddy Bear Suicide. But then we changed it to Mouse Rat. Then we were God Hates Figs; Department of Homeland Obscurity; Flames for Flames; Muscle Confusion; Nothing Rhymes With Orange; then Everything Rhymes With Orange; Punch Face Champions; Rad Wagon; Puppy Pendulum; Possum Pendulum; Penis Pendulum; Handrail Suicide; Angel Snack; Just the Tip; Threeskin; Jet Black Pope; we went back to Mouse Rat and now we are Scarecrow Boat. God when I hear myself say "Scarecrow Boat" out loud I kind of hate it.
I want to treat April like a queen. And queens deserve flowers and massages, chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, them treasure chests full of scarves, different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.
Hey, Leslie. I have an idea. Why don't we put Eduardo in there and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies.
April: Dear April's grandmother. I said grandfather.
Andy: Oh. Oops. OK.
April: You are a beautiful and amazing woman. Man. I hope some day I can become half the woman you are. He's a man. Thank you for the $500. It was $5. Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD. He is deaf.
Andy: OK, do you want me to make those changes or is it good?
