Andy Dwyer Quotes
Andy: Ron, do you think maybe I should put Mark in a headlock? That way I can show everyone how to escape a pervert.
Mark: In the scenario you just laid out, you're the pervert. You understand that right?
Andy: You wish.
Yo. So I feel like you were mad at me yesterday and I don't know why so I made a list of everything I did and I'm going to try not to do any of them again.
I broke up with Ann. Yeah. Shortly after she kicked me out and told me we wouldn't be together anymore.
Shauna: Were you scared?
Andy: No, no I wasn't. Well I lived in the pit for the better part of last year and made some vermin friends. You know what? Friends sounds stupid. Colleagues. They are bad at sharing, but they are good at tag.
Andy: Let me explain something to you, Tweep. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, Andy. Act."
Tom: So, you weren't thinking?
Andy: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.
Leslie: Andy, you remember Shauna Malwae-Tweep from the Pawnee Journal?
Andy: How could I forget? You wrote the article when I fell in the pit and then afterwards had sex with Mark and everyone talked about it.
By day. Andy Dwyer, shoeshinist. By different time of day, Andy Radical, possum tackler. And by night? Do whatever I want, no job.
Andy: We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Leslie: Office.
Coffee is my favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea. And hot orange juice. Weirdly delicious.
April: Here's a great one. It's a Tudor mansion. It's got seven rooms, four bathrooms. It's got a tennis court, a pool and a three-car garage.
Andy: What?
April: And it's only $20,000 a month. And it's in Chicago.
Andy: Ahh, that close. It was almost perfect.
I've always wanted a doorman, named Ernie. That would be awesome. Or Kip. I'm pretty flexible on that.
Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?
